beside you | wroetoshaw

thirteen

it had been about 1 week since me and harry called off us being 'friends with benefits', and my 'me and harry' i mean harry. we hadn't spoken at all, we used to text each other 24/7 or facetime or go and each other but it was just all gone now.
i hadn't left my flat since, i hadn't gotten dressed, made an effort, haven't really done anything since, i didn't feel the need to do anything except from lounge about.

but today while i was just on the couch, still in my pyjamas there was a knock on the door. i was confused as i hadn't ordered anything and no one ever comes to my house. i opened the door to see freya, talia, simon and josh, all with worried looks on their faces

"didn't know i was having a party?" i said bluntly, not meaning to sound mean but it coming out that way.
"can we come in?" talia asked politely, i nodded opening the door more so they could all come in.

the living room was a mess; empty bottles of alcohol on the floor that i hadn't thrown away, takeaway boxes, blankets, just everything that shouldn't have been there was there.
i quickly pushed things aside so everyone could sit down. i was still unsure why they were here but i didn't feel like asking, i just wanted to be asleep.

"you okay em?" simon said picking up some of the bottles and taking them to my kitchen, josh started doing the same.
"look i'm fine, you don't need to tidy up for me" i moaned

"look, we obviously know everything's not fucking fine. why haven't you talked to anyone?" freya said being a bit harsh

"i just haven't been on my phone" i lied, while not making eye contact with any of them

"that's bullshit emilia" freya said standing up, getting more annoyed at this point.
"we know why you are upset, you can speak to us, to the boys, why don't you understand that!? you can't just disappear on us again " freya shouted at me, leaving everyone else to go quiet

i felt tears fill my eyes, i had been avoiding the whole situation and that includes my closest friends. "i-i don't know" i said putting my head in my hands as tears flew down my face.

i felt two pairs of arms wrap around me, i knew it was talia and freya by the size of them. "so please talk to us, we are here to listen and not judge" talia said in a soft voice, i looked up to see the four surrounding me.

"h-he just doesn't love me the way i love him" i simply said, causing a confused look to come upon josh and simons face

"you love him?" josh asked while sitting up, i just nodded my head.
"he does love you em, i know he does, but he's just caught up in the past, katie just sucks him in whenever he tries to get better" talia explained while rubbing my back

"he doesn't talia, it's just i really thought there could have been something else with us" i said getting even more upset.
"he always spoke about you" simon said out the blue

"what" i looked at him
"he wouldn't ever stop, that's how everyone thought you two were like together" he said

talia looked at me and mouthed 'do they know' i shook my head, "should i tell them?" and talia nodded

"tell us what" freya said. i took a big deep breath in " me and harry, even though we were still technically friends, we were 'friends with benefits' you could say. but we acted as if we were in a relationship, even ask freezy or lux" i laughed slightly thinking back to our times together

"SO THATS WHAT CAL WAS TALKING ABOUT" freya stood up shouting, i nodded my head before throwing it back

"i mean it makes a lot of sense, but emilia, you can't just sit like this forever. it isn't good for you" josh said with a worried look in his eyes. i stayed quiet, i knew he was right but i didn't want to admit it.

"come out tonight" simon said. "don't be stupid si-" talia started. "actually no, that's a good idea, you should come out. get all dressed up and be with your friends, you'll forget about harry by the end of the night, i promise" freya said completely ignoring what talia was saying

"i'll think about it, i just don't know it's a good idea" i said starting to calm down
"no, you are coming out. i had to do this last time and everything went great, and it will be great again. so please come, it's just to top golf then maybe to a club" freya pleaded

"fine" i said quietly, losing the battle. everyone got up and cheered, i laughed at their enthusiasm.

"right so, we are going out in about 4 hours so let's tidy while we wait" josh said talking to freya, talia and simon.
"w-woah, i can clean this all up. you guys can go home and get ready" i said putting my arms out.
"oh i'm not leaving, because i know you em, you won't get ready then when i come to pick you up you'll still be in your pjs saying you're not going. so i'm staying here until we leave and we are all cleaning until that happens" freya demanded, leaving me speechless.

without anyone saying anything else we started tidying up my flat, i felt embarrassed for them to see me like this, i didn't ask for it.
i was in the kitchen cleaning the dishes, the rest were cleaning up my clothes as josh walked in the kitchen.

"how you feeling now?" he asked leaning on the counter next to the sink.
"not that much better, i still only want to go to bed and sleep. if you guys had left i probably would of done what freya said. i definitely wouldn't have gone out" i said truthfully, i looked at him and he looked sad - like hearing me be upset, upsetted him.
"i hate seeing you like this" he said. "so do i josh, ive went through this before and it seems i'm just going in circles again." i admitted
"i'm just going to assume that you are on about jamie, i'm not going to ask about details as freya told me it was quite serious. just know that harry isn't like jamie, harry is just simply so stupid that he can't see that he has the best thing for him is right under his nose" he said smiling.

i rolled my eyes and giggled "thank you josh but i doubt that". "pfftt, em, you cannot be serious" he said with a breathy laugh.
"bog is weird man, but he'll come around" josh stated, "but what if i don't want him to" i said stopping doing the dishes and turning to him.
"what?" josh asked. "well harry has just completely mugged me off, what if i don't want him to come around or figure out 'i'm the best for him'?" i said.
"look, i'm not meaning for this to sound mean or harsh but you did just say you love him and if you love him you would want him to come back to you. even if you try to tell yourself you don't, there will be something in your head saying you do" josh said.

i felt myself tear up, he was completely right. he saw i was getting upset again and hugged me, a hug i didn't know that i needed right now. "thank you" i said quietly, "don't thank me, i hate seeing you upset after knowing you for this long." he smiled

"RIGHT WE ARE DONE CLEANING LETS GET READY EMILIAAAAA" freya screamed from my room. me and josh laughed as me made our way there.