whispers from lethe.

1 | seldom

I've been looking all over for that shining light
Little, flickering flashes of sparks against the night
Seldom do I know how something is right
I will still be clueless even when I charge to fight
Should I go? Should I stay? Should I take flight?
Will I tarry when everything is dark, in sins, I write?
Seldom do I feel that something is meant to be
Especially now that darkness is all around me
I try to find the shining light even if it's misery
I guess everyone wanted to find love before time is eternity
Seldom do I have to wait for the things I need
Seldom do I find ways to satisfy my greed

I've been thinking all over, losing countless sleep
How was I supposed to feel now that troubles are deep
Seldom do I know how to act when I'm with you
I may mess up, really, I don't know what to do
Should I laugh, should I cry, should I cover my face
When everything falls down will I still run the race?
Seldom do I find what makes me happy
But all I could see is that it means I'm in agony
The shame, the guilt of seeing you with me
What if I couldn't live up to who you wanted me to be?
Seldom do I want to involve you in my thoughts
Seldom can I even solve problems and connect the dots

I've been running forever, facing different directions at once
I try to avoid love, I try to shun romance
But you drove me out of that cozy home I made
You lured me away so you can show me what I mislaid
The world is beautiful, you told me look deep
Told me to peel back the veils and let light slip
And there it was, the tiny flickering lights of love
I don't know who to thank— you or the heavens above
This was before you tried to bring me into your life
As it turned out, it caused nothing but strife
Both worlds must be kept away and separated
Because either one is fated to be overrated

I've been hiding things from prying eyes, unseen
Stash secrets deep under, those have or have been
For once, I try to decide which path I should take
And it seems I've been doing this for nobody's sake
I walk, I run, I fall straight down
Until I'm covered in scars, too deep to drown
I stare at my reflection, holding back silent tears
Seldom do I know what to do even after all these years
Yet you came, helped me get back to where I am
And it is by your side that feels right, time and again
All I know is that love has too great of a cost
Because seldom do I know that our love is already lost

This was written on January 9, 2018. I have no idea what I was doing at the time of writing but this poem hits different. I mean, it's pretty dragging and stuff, but I feel the message beneath the words.

I won't tell you what I understood of it after all these years of not reading it. But I'll just ask you. What do you think of this poem? What do you think it means? Comment below. :)