Critiques

Not Everyone Is a Supermodel

Not Everyone Is a Supermodel by mcpct_15

My first impression based on the title and cover is that this particular book is aimed at teenage girls. Teenage girls who worry about their external appearance and wish that they were like the pretty people who get the happy lives and lots of boyfriends.

Prologue

This was very gripping and was a good insight to how teens with identity issues feel.

However, being an adult male means that I generally do not care about how other people think I look. This only adds to the sadness. To know that this character actually believes that there are only three categories of people is horrible. At this point I am hoping that she gets past this and actually gets the happy ending she dreams of rather than being depressed forever. Also, it is not clear as to why 'Average people go into the Pretty People category' because they should be two different things. The Naturally Flawless paragraph would benefit from being reworded as I thought it just meant that they don't make mistakes, when really they just don't get spots.

I.

The first chapter quickly introduces a lot of characters and to be honest it was a bit confusing. The girls at the dinner table and the bullies could do with some physical attributes e.g. hair style and eye colour at this early stage of the book so the reader can better picture them. I did enjoy the dry sense of humour e.g. 'we carpool' and 'lunch time was sacred to me'. Nico also needs some description, considering the story is all about looks. Wow Jennesis and company are bitches. Good introduction of a villain but what does she look like? It was unclear why Jesika starts slapping Mercedes and to why Claire bursts into tears.

II.

Mercedes goes to her Art lesson. We learn that she gets bullied constantly, pushed and called names but why is she the school punching bag? It cant be because she has frizzy hair. Nobody wants to sit near her, is it safe to assume that she smells? Introduction of Daniel was clever as it was revealed in the register but I have nothing to go on when trying to picture his face. Also Mr. Trunt could do with a description as well e.g. The hair growing wildly from his nostrils resembled spindly insect legs. His eyes bulged far out of his face as if they were about to fall on to the floor. On top of these ugly features his chronic craving for sugar over the years had ballooned his stomach to the point where his shirt buttons were ready to pop off and hurt somebody.

III.

Whilst thinking about how Mercedes might know Daniel I realised that I do not know how old these characters are. If they are in high school they could be 12 – 18. When they get to Claire's house why do they lock the doors and windows? Are Claire and Jessica meant to be considered 'ugly' if so then are they overweight, spotty, goofy etc. The description of how she cut her stomach was very good and it is good to see that her friends worry about her. I liked the mystery of what she could never tell her friends. I thought the twist at the end was great. But it is unclear who exactly it is who slaps, kicks and throws her out. I assume it is her father. If it is you could put "Sorry Dad, but I..." Before she could finish her sentence her father struck her with his fist square in the teeth. Oh yes and Daniel was in it towards the end, but it seemed a bit pointless. They should say a few intriguing sentences before she realises that she needs to run home. The shed twist is great.

IV

Okay so we learn more about Nico and he seems like a top bloke. Not sure what he looks like though. And it turns out that it was her Dad. I really liked the descriptions for Jesika and Claire but I do believe this should be emphasised much earlier in the story. It was funny to read that they had a hangover after one shot. The part where the teacher sees her doodle was good and I am hoping that it has links and implications further on in the story e.g. they tell her Dad and then he gets really mad. The whole part about 'he was like my father, brother, friend' is of course Nico. But it isn't quite clear. How does he feel about her? Is he bullied for being her friend? I liked the way Daniel chose to work with Mercedes. What will happen when Nico and Daniel meet I wonder? This was by far the strongest chapter so far. Mainly due to the level of description, range of characters and twists.

If you would like me to do some more, maybe you could critique some chapters of mine. Anyway, I hope this helps. Speak soon.

Jimbongo