It's complicated

39:

"All done."

"Thank you."

"You need anything?"

"No I'm fine."

He left the room and I started dressing in my pajamas. He came in.

"Oh fuck sorry. I didn't mean to just come in. Force of habit."

"It's okay."

"No it's not."

"Xavier you've seen me in less than underwear before. So I rest my case."

"Still."

His eyes were locked on me.

"Come and sit on the bed and tell me what's going on."

"Claire..."

"Xavier please. I can see something is up."

"Leave it!"

He warned me but I didn't care. I was gonna get it out of him.

"What's going on?"

"Your pushing your luck. I'd suggest you stop."

"Not until you tell me."

"Emma isn't carrying my child. It's Dwayne's. She cheated on me. And here you are after you told me you don't love me!"

"I'm so sorry."

"No you're not. You don't care about me. You like Donovan!"

"That's not fair!"

"What's not fair? Please tell me Claire because I'd like to hear it."

He got up and walked to the door.

"No, no, no you don't get to leave in the middle of a conversation!"

"Goodnight."

I grabbed hold of his wrist and he glared at me.

"Let go."

"No!"

He cupped my face and kissed me hard. Dammit one hour with him and I'm falling back into his arms.

"He cheated on me."

I'm not sure if he heard me because it came out more of a whisper than anything else.

"He did what?"

"Nothing. I'm tired I'm gonna get some sleep."

He continued to kiss me.

"(Xavier)I shouldn't have let you go."

"You talk to much."

"You don't do enough."

"Well I guess less talking more doing."

We're mixture of passion and pain. We can't be together but we can't be apart. I hate him but in the same breath I crave him.

We were wrapped up in the moment. That was until he spoke.

"Wait."

"Why? What's wrong?"

"We can't do this."

"Did I do something wrong?"

"Yes Claire. Just the other day you told me your done with me. And here you are yet again confusing me. You say you don't want me but you can't get yourself to stay away."

"I'm sorry if I confuse you really I am. But I can't make sense of this either. Because I hate you for being a dick but seeing the real you made me fall for you. "

"Then why deny what you feel for me Claire?"

"Because Xavier being around you is hard, you send mixed signals. One moment you want me close and the next you want me to leave. You're not an easy person. You don't open up easily. And a person can't ask you a question because you refuse to talk. You carry everything on your shoulders and you won't share it. I don't know what I'm allowed to do around you."

"What do you mean you don't know what you can and cannot do around me?"

"You're a ticking time bomb. I'm to a afraid to do something because I'm scared you might go of on me."

"I scare you?"

"Yes sometimes."

He got up and left the room. I felt bad for what I said but it had to be done. I got up from the bed and went looking for him. I had to fix what I broke.

I haven't been all that nice to him. I've hurt him in more ways then possible and he deserves better. He was sitting on the couch with his head in his hands.

I kneeled in front of him. I grabbed him my his wrists and removed his hands. He made eye contact before looking down at the ground again.

"Let go of me please. I need some time to think and your not making it easier."

"Xavier please. I don't want you to feel like an..."

"Stop okay. Just leave me be. You should go home it's better that way. I wouldn't trust me if I was you."

"What are you saying?"

"Who knows what I'm capable of Claire. What if I... what if I hurt you?"

"Xavier, love you won't."

"How sure are you?"

"You've never hurt me before. And I doubt you'll ever do that. You're to good of a person."

"I should drop you off at home. I should of never brought you here."

"Oh so I'm supposed to go home to my cheating boyfriend or ex boyfriend I don't really know. Then he gets to try and explain why he kissed a girl in front of me while we are or were dating. Then I get to yell at him and end up not having anywhere to go. Wherever I go he'll find me and probably force me to go home and pretend that everything is fine. Sounds fun."

"I feel sorry for you I do. But listen to yourself you don't even know if you guys are still dating or not."

"I should leave him that's the right thing to do. He cheated on me after all.  Anyway I guess we have to go then."

"Go where?"

"You said you wanted to drop me off at home so let's go. I'm gonna grab me things and then we can leave."

I got up and grabbed my things. It's my own fault his pushing me away. I pushed him away first. I grabbed my things and head straight for his car. He had it started already.

The drive was silent. The kind of silent that causes you pain. There's so much that still needs to ne said and we're not saying anything we're just quiet.

He reached my driveway and my heart ached. This is it. This is for real. No turning back or fixing what's broken. This was my choice, I made it I have to live with it.

"Thanks for the drive."

I was about to unbuckle my seatbelt when he stopped me.

"Did he really cheat on you?"

"Why are you asking? Does it look like I'll make up something like that?"

"No. I believe you I just wanted to hear you say it that's all."

"Yes Xavier he cheated on me with one of his best friends. Don't blame him though she's in college. Their the same age. She can be around all the time and better yet she's not in high school. She's pretty, skinny and better than me in anything she does."