The Styles Mansion [h.s]

fifty-three

THE MORNING birds were twittering outside, breaking the zenana of my deep slumber. My eyes sting due the morning air as well sending shivers down to my spine because of the lack of clothes. I stared at the big wide window of my room feeling nothing just depletion through my heart. My heart was heavy too, my chest felt frozen and for some good reason I was convinced that my heart wasn't really beating anymore.

Numbness is all washed over me. The tears weren't even giving me accompaniment now. I closed my eyes starting the obnoxious inconstancy of the reels of last night, testing the bitterness. I have no right to blame Harry for last night. He gave me a chance to stop him, from whatever he was doing. He made sure that he wasn't forcing anything on me. All blame is on me.

Last night was something which will be  curved like a curse to me in the city of my memory. It felt sweet but sour too. It felt like a daydream but a nightmare too. It felt like making love but also felt like being fucked without any emotions and love.

That's where everything is messed up. Even if I say the night was a mistake but deep down still it was one of the most beautiful nights to me. But it doesn't probably mean anything to him. He doesn't love me nor has he cherished anything for me in his heart.

It was purely his needs and lust.

I don't mean anything to him.

Now you will ask why I am saying all of this or what really drove me insane, drowning numbness, vacancy in my heart. Harry wasn't beside me in the bed when I woke up. I haven't felt his heavy body beside me nor his touch on my skin. I thought I would wake up like in the old days, where Harry used to hide his face in my neck breathing peacefully as his strong muscular arm would be embraced around my stomach firmly. After a long time I expected that and was waiting for that.

But all I got was disappointment and hurt.

He left before I even woke up. I felt like a seventeen year old high school girl who lost her virginity to a famous Jock from her school. Who she thought was her knight in shining armour. Who won her heart with his charming smile and enchanted beauty.

And after bedding her, he left her. Telling her in front of the whole school that she doesn't mean anything to him.

She was just a bet and he won the bet.

I know I might be acting impulsive and overreacting. But the wound is deeper than that. Harry wasn't a Jock nor did he have a bet on me. Nor I was a seventeen year old girl who lost her virginity. He is my husband who doesn't have anything for me in his heart.

Tears rolled down from the corner of my eyes as I stared at the space. I endeavour to push myself off from the bed and I successfully did. My entire body commenced to tremble as I entered the bathroom to take a shower.

I was angry, I was ashamed of myself. I can't blame Harry because I was the one who invited him inside me. With a loud thumbing heart I heaved a deep breath through my lungs as tears were still fluxing without limitation. After getting a hot shower I got out of the bathroom and quickly dressed up for my day. I can't even go to my work and that was another contention of my frustration.

Abruptly I realized what the day is.

Harry is throwing a party for him and it's today. It's not like I wanted to attend it but the itching of other women being around him was driving me insane and making me restless. No doubt there would be a ton of women who are better than me. Who are filthy rich with higher class community and beauty. Those rich people don't care if they are married or not. It's their habits of fucking around with their business partners.

My imagination was taking to me nowhere. I was lost in deep thoughts with a broken heart inside my chest. Everything around me was killing me slowly as I was losing my mind painfully.