Plans Of My Own

9. Heart vs Brain

Bella's POV

Three days. Three days have gone by and in still in my bed. It's Saturday now and the tears finally stopped on Thursday. My chest and head still hurt. I've been avoiding everyone. I still haven't answered my mom or Brielle. I didn't answer Tyler's next text after I responded to him. Jamie even tried to talk to me.

My brother Nico called me last night and I answered. It was just to tell him that I'm alive and to stop Mom's worrying. I miss Nico. He's my twin...I always miss him. He's the only one who supported my decision to stop talking to our older sister, Brook. But, that's a story for another time.

My phone started to buzz next to me, breaking me from my thoughts. The screen flashed with Tyler's name. I couldn't pick it up. I just waited for him to leave a voicemail. I'd probably listen to it later...over and over again. I just loved his voice.

There was a knock at the door. I knew that knock. It was Brielle. I haven't answered the door at all. I decided I can't run from her forever.

"Bella! I'm so so sorry! I need my best friend back. The last four days have been miserable. Can we please talk?" She said as fast as she could speak. "Yea" I said quietly almost inaudible. The truth is...I missed her more than she missed me. I used everything in me to not wrap my arms around her just now.

"I have to start by apologizing because I've felt so guilty since Tuesday. I'm supposed to listen to you and I didn't. I should have left Michael out of the conversation and stopped pressuring you to talk to Tyler" she was in tears. Now I was crying. It's been a long time since I've cried in front of her.

"No Brielle, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that you were only a hook up to Jamie. Your so much more than that. I guess I'm just paranoid. I don't want that to happen to you and I'm too scared to trust guys anymore. To trust anyone really." I finally hugged her. We both relaxed in our best friends arms.

"Are you okay?" She questioned looking very concerned. "Physically, yes...emotionally, I'm so far from okay" I said hysterically crying now.

"Why? I don't get what is hurting you so bad." She sounded desperate for answers. But, I didn't know how to answer her. I feel like I'm hyperventilating. "T-ty-l-ler " I whimpered.

"What what did he do?" She jumped out of my bed ready to kill him. "N-nothing a-at all" I said looking at her confused face.

"All he's tried to do is h-help me. He texts me everyday to a-ask i-if I'm okay. And he called before, but I didn't answer." She listened closely to every word I said with wide eyes.

"I don't get what the problem is..." She says more confused than ever. "The problem is that he cares about me and I care too. I need him to be here with his arms wrapped around me. But, I don't want him. I know wanting him will hurt me more than Michael hurt me." I said tears still falling.

"No, no Bell! You have it wrong. Tyler is nothing like Michael. Michael is nothing like Tyler. Tyler is so much better. Tyler care so much more. I never liked Michael. Your heart is fighting with your brain. Your brain is winning, but you really want your heart to win." Now she's confusing me

"My brain is telling me I don't want him. My heart is telling me I need him! I need someone to just tell me the right thing to do at this point!" I yelled to Brielle.

"Then talk to Tyler. They are coming to visit me tonight. Tyler keeps asking to speak to you. He wants to know that your okay. I will send him into your dorm later." She was right. I need Tyler to tell me how things are going to be. Whatever he says is going to scare me. But, I have to get out of this wall that I set up...whether I want to or not.