Shadows

Chapter One

Hello everyone! This is my first fanfiction that I have written and published here...so please excuse any mistakes. This is a Clexa story that I decided to write after the heartbreaking season 2 finale. I hope you enjoy it!

(Clarke's POV)

Her fingers curled around the small red apple, and she gave a tug, watching in satisfaction as the fruit became dislodged from the branch. She shoved it into her pocket, along with the other two fruit she had already picked. Clarke wandered back to her small camp and sat down on a fallen log, gazing off into the trees. Night was approaching fast and she sighed. Sleep did not come easy. In fact, Clarke wasn't sure she actually ever did sleep anymore. I bear it so they don't have to, she chanted to herself. Lately, that one small saying was the only thing keeping her going.

She knew, from the second she had made the terrible choice to eradicate level five she would never again return to camp Jaha. She couldn't wake up every morning and live everyday, looking at all those faces; knowing that for each one she had saved, she had taken at least four lives in exchange. Innocent lives. She couldn't be like Lexa, she couldn't just take a human life and forget about it like it was nothing. It was in her nature to take care of her people. The people that she loved. She had had to make awful decisions, decisions that would haunt her for the rest of her life, but at least her people were safe and happy. If the well being of her people meant that she had to suffer, then she could live with that. She would bear all the pain and death so that her people would never have to.

​It had been three months since she had left the camp, but she could remember it like it was yesterday. Watching her people enter into the camp gave Clarke happiness, but it was short lived when she realized what she had done. She had managed to keep her composer while saying goodbye to Bellamy and she held her head high until she was out of sight from the camp.

The first few days were the worst. She let every tear that her body could muster fall down her face and she screamed until her throat grew raw. She ran blindly through the forest until she fell over from pure exhaustion. She didn't know how long she lay on the ground, but eventually dehydration took over and she was forced to pull herself back up.

After that, a constant numbness set in. She wandered aimlessly through the thick trees, re-living that moment in Mount Weather over and over again. She would punch the trunks of trees, but even as her hands bleed she did not feel the pain. She ate and drank only enough to keep her body alive for she no longer felt hungry or thirsty. The only time she would sleep would be when she fell over, for she no longer felt tired.

By the second month she was questioning why she was still doing it. Why she continued to get up and continue forth. For awhile, she sat at the edge of a cliff; her feet dangling dangerously off the edge, thinking to herself how easy would it be to just end it all. In the end though, her brain decided there were two reasons to continue. One, being that if she were to die, all the pain and suffering she continued to bear would be thrust upon someone else. She wouldn't wish that on anybody. No, she had to remain alive to keep her people from the torture that she experienced every waking moment of her life. The second reason being that she was not weak, and she would not give into the easy way out. She certainly would not go down without a fight. So Clarke continued on her journey. She had no clue how far she had come, where she was, but she knew she had to press forward...farther away from the camp, farther away from anyone she cared about.

​The cry of a coyote shook Clarke out of her reminiscing. She sighed and sank her teeth into the sour flesh of the apple. Once she had finished, she stoked the fire once more, and lay down on the moss covered ground; hoping for a dreamless sleep to come.

(Lexa's POV)

​"Commander, we should really stop and set up camp. Night is falling fast."

​Lexa gazed up and sighed, "Very well."

She gently lifted her leg over her horse's back and slid off, wincing only slightly as she landed. She had done more riding in the past few weeks than she had all year. After leaving Clarke, and returning her people home safely, she had been left with an empty hole inside of her. Lexa hadn't been able to sleep at night, and she became restless too easily during the day. She needed her mind to be devoted 100% to leading her people and right now it just wasn't there. Deciding she needed a break, a distraction, Lexa decided that she would travel to each of the twelve clans to inform them of Mount Weather's defeat.

She had been riding all over the countryside and was nearly done. The sea clan was her last stop and they hoped to reach there by tomorrow at dusk. It was true, riding and visiting with many different people had distracted her from any thoughts of Clarke and what she, herself, had done, but it was not a permanent solution. Her white mare nuzzled her check affectionately and Lexa absentmindedly stroked the horse's soft muzzle. She loved this mare more than anything. She was the only one that Lexa couldn't hide her feelings from, as the horse would always know what she was thinking. As the guards that had come with her began to get a fire ready and set up camp, Lexa lead her horse over to a tree and wrapped the reins around a branch.

"Ryder, Amicus needs to be taken care of. Give her an extra handful of oats tonight."

"Yes Commander." Ryder nodded at her and headed off.

After having a small meal and discussing plans for the next day, Lexa found her eyes growing heavy. She wandered over to where her guards had prepared a shelter for her. She grabbed a fur blanket from their pile of supplies and lay down on the cold ground. She prayed for sleep to come, but inside found her thoughts trying to take advantage of this new found quiet. She shifted so that she could see the sky. Her eyes gazed upwards as she found the constellations familiar to her, and she wondered again what Clarke thought when she looked up at the night sky. She wondered if Clarke knew more about the stars than she did, or if they were just as mysterious to her as they were to Lexa. A smile tugged at her lips as she thought about Clarke, but it soon faded when she remembered Clarke's expression when she found out that Lexa had betrayed her. No, Lexa thought to herself, I will not allow myself to be sucked back into this. But even as she drifted off into sleep, she couldn't stop her heart from aching.

Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed the first chapter. I will be continuing this story so watch for updates. Please leave comments, I appreciate anything you have to say. :)
(Constructive Criticism is always welcome).