Shadows

Chapter Eighteen

(Lexa's POV)

It had completely caught her off guard when Clarke had uttered those simple, yet so complex, words. Of all things, that was what she had least expected the blonde girl to say. Lexa had paused and debated on what to reply. Of course she wanted to say them back, to tell Clarke how she truly felt, but at the same time she knew she had to let Clarke go. In the end she couldn't help it. The urge to reply with "I love you too" overpowered all reasoning. What really tore at heart though was the way Clarke had kissed her after. It hadn't been rushed or powerful or suggestive, it was simply a promise. A promise that they would be able to share many more intimate kisses in their future. It was a promise that Lexa knew she couldn't keep. Despite Clarke being awake and feeling better than she had felt in days, she still looked weak and Lexa did not want to discuss this particular matter right now. So instead she wrapped an arm around the beautiful sky girl and let her bury her face into the crook of Lexa's neck. They sat there for a while, enjoying the presence of each other. Finally, a knock came from her door and she called out for the person to be let in. Roan stood in the doorway but made no move to walk in and disturb them.

"I have returned with the other leaders. They are now in their chambers getting ready for dinner."

"Thank you Roan, your continuous support and help will be greatly rewarded."

He bowed his head and Lexa dismissed him.

When the door clicked shut she leaned down and spoke quietly to Clarke.

"I need to talk to you about a few things before this evening's meal."

Clarke shifted slightly in Lexa's arms so that they could at least try to see each other's faces as they spoke.

"I have made the decision to behead Nia. It is the worst possible way to die, in our culture, and it shows my authority over her, which is something she had been questioning. I wanted to wait until you woke before setting the date but now that you are on the mend I think I will set it for tomorrow."

It was difficult to read Clarke's reaction but she nodded along without protest.

"I have also seemed to reach a sort of agreement between the leaders as to a treaty I will be willing to negotiate. I will obviously need to run it by you and then you will need to make sure your people will abide by it before anything becomes offical."

"And what if I don't agree to it?"

The tone of voice Clarke used lead Lexa to believe she was not unwilling to compromise; she was just merely curious.

"Then I will try to honour your needs. My wish is for peace and a strengthening of our nation, but it is also for the happiness of you."

Clarke smiled and leaned back against Lexa's chest, humming her appreciation.

"Will you be well enough to join us for dinner tonight?"

She felt Clarke collapse against her.

"I don't think so. I want to try and get out of bed to have a bath but I think that might drain all my energy. Would you bring me some leftovers?"

"Of course."

"And will you do something else for me?"

"Name it."

"Can you sleep beside me tonight? I don't mean lie beside me, but actually sleep? You look like you need it."

"Your wish is my command."

Lexa felt Clarke relax in contentment and the ache in her heart continued to grow. She was being completely unfair. Leading Clarke into a false sense of comfort. Letting her think that she would be able to spend many more evenings like this, nestled in the confines of Lexa's arms. She desperately needed a way to make Clarke see that loving Lexa only put her in unnecessary danger. That as Commander, Lexa was destined to be forever alone. It was the way things had to be. Another knock came at the door again, but this time Lexa didn't even have time to tell the guards to let them in before the doors swung open. Arya stepped into the room with a bowl of water and a rag which she set down on the bedside table.