Shadows

Chapter Seventeen

(Lexa's POV)

Two days had passed and Clarke had not woken again, at least not in Lexa's presence. She tossed and turned, always mumbling in her sleep, but Lexa could never make out what she was saying. Arya had assured her that Clarke was going to be okay, that she just needed time and rest, but Lexa couldn't stop worrying. What if they had missed something? What if she got an infection? What if Nia had done more damage than they thought?  These thoughts proved to be quite distracting, especially as Lexa continued her role as Heda. She honestly tried as hard as she could to put all thoughts of Clarke from her mind, but she failed every time.

Lexa knew that an execution date needed to be set but she wanted to wait until Clarke woke up, as she knew she would want to witness Nia's death. She had met with the clan leaders and had told them what had happened, leaving out her true feelings for Clarke of course. They had all been disappointed in Nia's actions and had agreed with their Heda's decision to behead her. Lexa had also made the choice to push forward with the meeting as opposed to postponing it.  Roan was now the leader of the Ice Nation and he was doing an excellent job of persuading the others to enter into a treaty with Skaikru. Lexa was beyond grateful for everything that he had been doing. Many leaders were starting to see the benefits of not going to war and Lexa was happy. Ultimately it was her choice to make, but she would rather make one knowing that mostly everyone agreed. It was her goal to bring peace and happiness to all her people. The leaders had been in Polis for far longer than she had planned and she could tell they were getting bored. Knowing she had many other duties that needed attending to she suggested that Roan take them all on a trail ride to a nearby village that was known for its incredible baked goods. Lexa had been able to put in a full day of work and was just considering going to check on Clarke when Octavia appeared seemingly out of nowhere. After they had found Clarke, Lexa had seen very little of her. She was either with Clarke when Lexa couldn't be there or was out amongst the citizens of Polis. Lexa never had gotten a chance to speak with her.

"Octavia. What can I help you with?"

"I thought I owed you an explanation as to how I knew where Clarke was and a thank you for everything you have been doing to make peace between the clans... I know it's not an easy task."

Lexa bowed her head in thanks before Octavia continued.

"It was one of the guards in your palace. I was talking to him, just asking some questions about the place and how he liked his job. He started telling me about all the hidden rooms in the walls and how fascinating they were. When I started to ask more questions about them he got really quite and nervous. Something just felt off. I kept up the small talk and he relaxed and eventually told me that the best-hidden room was the one right behind the Commander's bedroom. All of a sudden everything made sense. I asked if he could show me and he said maybe another day because it was currently in use. I don't know if he was a fake guard working for Nia or if he was an actual guard, regardless, I believe you should re-access exactly who is supposed to be guarding you and your guests."

Although this news disappointed her, it did not surprise her in the least. Lexa knew that Nia couldn't have done it all by herself.

"Thank you Octavia. Is that all?"

Octavia opened her mouth to speak but must have thought better of it because she closed it, shook her head no, and looked away.

"Octavia, is there something else you wish to say?"

There was a very long pause before Octavia looked back at her.

"I just...I guess I didn't realize how you truly felt about Clarke until now..."

Lexa's eyes must have betrayed her concern because Octavia quickly continued.

"I promise I won't tell anyone, don't worry, I just wanted to say that you're good for her."

No I'm not, Lexa thought but remained quiet.

"And also, as Clarke's friend, it is my duty to tell you that if you ever dare break her heart I will kill you...or at least try to."

Lexa smirked, acknowledging Octavia's attempt at a joke, despite the fact that she found no joy in it at all. Never in her worst nightmare could she ever picture herself doing something to hurt Clarke.

"Well, I guess I should get going, I'm glad I got a chance to talk to you."

Although Octavia had been communicating with Lexa in a way completely inappropriate for a conversation between Heda and citizen, Lexa let it slide. She knew Octavia was not doing it to be rude, she was sincerely trying to learn the ways of her people, and besides, Lexa found it to be quite amusing.

"Thank you for coming to talk to me, I can assure you I will be having a re-assessment of my guards as soon as possible."

Octavia nodded and then turned around, disappearing just as quickly as she had appeared. Lexa sighed as she turned to go to her room. Ever since they had rescued Clarke she had had minimal sleep. It wasn't the fact that Clarke somehow managed to take up all the space on her grand bed, it was simply that her mind was on overdrive. She was focused on too many things. She was trying to figure out the best way to negotiate a treaty that was fair and beneficial for all parties involved, trying to figure out how much of a threat the sky people now were, all while trying to figure out what do with Clarke once she got better. The only times she had recently slept had been when she had accidentally let herself drift off, in a chair, hunched over her desk. She was so tired and she wanted sleep so badly, but sleep was just wasted time that she couldn't afford right now. She pressed open her wooden bedroom door and waited until it softly clicked shut before making her way over to her desk. She quickly glanced over to the bed to make sure Clarke wasn't awake before picking up her notebook. As she flipped through the pages she tried to focus on the notes she had made, but her eyes began to blur the words together on the page. She angrily threw the book down and gave a frustrated sigh. She leaned back and let her eyes drift around the room. That was when a large object, currently covered by a tan hide, caught her attention. She got up, slowly padded across the room, and gingerly pulled off the cloth. A beautiful piano was revealed, one that hadn't been played in forever. Lexa glanced once more at Clarke's sleeping figure before pulling out the bench and sitting down. She ran her fingers lightly over the ivory keys, getting accustomed to the feeling again. The cold smooth feeling of the keys brought back many memories and Lex could still remember the day that she got it.

They had just finished a tiring day of training and Lexa was starving. They were walking towards the dining hall when Anya had veered off course. Lexa impatiently sighed but followed her mentor nonetheless.

"I have a surprise for you."

Lexa tensed and braced herself. The last time Anya had said that, someone had fallen from a tree and had proceeded to attack Lexa. Use this as a lesson to never let your guard down, Anya had explained once Lexa had defeated her mock attacker. Anya laughed at Lexa's worried expression and then proceeded to push a door open. Lexa carefully stepped around Anya and into the room. As soon as her eyes found the beautiful instrument placed before her, all thoughts of hunger vanished.

"But Anya, I have no clue how to play."

"I'll teach you."

Lexa's heart sank. As much as she yearned to play this gorgeous piano, she knew she had no time, and that pained her.

"Anya, my training..."
"This is going to become part of your daily training."

Lexa looked at her sideways.

"The piano teaches you many things, the most prominent being grace, focus, and rhythm. Every song you play is like a dance, the same dance that you must perform on the battle field. All the greatest warriors to have ever lived have learned how to play an instrument, and so must you."

Despite the fact that Lexa knew it was meant to be part of her training, the kindness of this gesture caused tears to well in her eyes.

"Thank you Anya."

The older woman smiled warmly.

The fondness held within this memory caused Lexa's heart to ache but it also made her smile. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. It had been ages since she had played and she was hoping that her fingers would remember where to go. She started with a melodic Minuet by Mozart and eventually moved into a lively Sonata by Beethoven. The first few notes were harsh and rough but she soon sank into the melody and the music began to flow with ease. She closed her eyes and allowed the music to consume her as she played.

(Clarke's POV)

The past few days had been awful, consisting of nothing but hot and cold flashes and a delirious sleep. She would constantly slide in and out of consciousness, never knowing what time or day it was, or even what was going on. She was just in the middle of a horrible nightmare when the music started. At first it was so soft she almost couldn't hear it, but then it began to grow louder and louder, vanishing her nightmares and replacing them with happy thoughts and memories. A bright glow filled her vision and then all of a sudden her eyes were open. She peered up at the canopy above her and realized that for the first time in days her sight was not blurry. Everything stood out, clearer than even. When the music didn't stop, Clarke realized that it must have been coming from the real world and not in her dreams. She shifted slightly and looked over. There, sitting at the most gorgeous piano Clarke had ever seen, was Lexa. Her long brown mane cascaded down her back in loose waves and her body was so relaxed and completely at ease. Her fingers soared over the keys, creating beautiful music with each press of a note. Clarke watched her and smiled contently. She had never seen so much peace within the great Commander before. She didn't know how long she lay there for, but she wished it could go on forever. Eventually the notes faded and Lexa pulled her hands from the keys. She sat there for a minute before slowly sliding of the bench and standing up. She turned around and jumped when she saw Clarke's blue eyes focused on her. She blushed and Clarke grinned.

"How long have you been watching me?"

"Quite a while now actually."

Lexa's blush darkened in color.

"I'm sorry. You should have interrupted me...I'm so terribly out of practice."

Lexa stammered and Clarke wanted to laugh but she knew it would be quite rude to do so. Lexa was always so humble about everything she did, she really needed to take more credit.

"It sounded beautiful."

Lexa sighed and smiled slightly.

"Are you feeling okay? Do you need anything? Should I fetch Arya?"

Clarke leaned back leisurely and closed her eyes. The sun from the open window was bathing her face in a warm glow and a gentle breeze wafted into the room, bringing with it the fresh smells of nature outside. She relished in the moment, just grateful that she wasn't delirious or in pain anymore. Without opening her eyes she mumbled a quiet "I'm good." She heard the soft creek of boards as Lexa moved towards the bed and then felt a slight shake as Lexa crawled onto the mattress. She half opened her eyes and peered at the Commander. There were dark circles under her eyes and she looked completely drained of all energy.

"Have you been sleeping?"

Lexa frowned and reached out to tuck back a few loose strands of blonde hair that had fallen in front of Clarke's face.

"You don't have to worry about me, Clarke."

A disturbed feeling settled in the pit of Clarke's stomach. Clearly Lexa was having to take the burden of too many things and this bothered Clarke. She wiggled into a better position so that she was directly facing Lexa.

"If being locked in that room and chained to that bed has taught me anything, it's that life is too short and precious to take for granted. I realized that I never got a chance to tell you something... something important, and I want to tell you now."

She gently grasped Lexa's hands and stared deep into her eyes.

"I love you."

Lexa inhaled sharply and Clarke tried to gauge what she was thinking. Lexa remained silent for a long time, seeming as though she were trying to decide something. Eventually the storm of emotions in her eyes passed and a small smile tugged at the corner of her lips.

"I love you too."

Utter joy and relief washed over Clarke upon hearing those few simple words spoken from Lexa's mouth and she didn't bother to contain the foolish grin that wound its way onto her face. Without hesitating for another second longer she leaned forward and closed the gap between them. The kiss was soft, and ended far too quickly, but it held promises of more to come; and that, Clarke decided, was something she could live with.

Hey everyone! I'm sorry yet again for the delay in updating. Final exams were very stressful but they are over now and so I hope I have lots of time to write in the summer. Thank you for all your support <3