Shadows

Chapter Five

(Clarke's POV)

Lexa's eyes conveyed it all. She was willing to let Clarke kill her if that's what Clarke needed. Her hand holding the knife began to tremble. Hadn't she killed enough people? But that's not entirely it, is it? She couldn't look into the eyes of Lexa and slit her throat, no matter how much anger she carried within. Her palms grew sweaty and the knife slipped from her grip, tumbling to the ground. Letting out a deep breath she hadn't realized she had been holding, Clarke dropped her eyes from Lexa's.

"I....I..." Clarke stuttered, unable to form a sentence.

Both her hands began to shake and she turned away. Shame at what she had almost done filled her. How could I even begin to consider to take another life when I have already taken so many? Why should I even contemplate taking lives? When have the lines between good and bad blurred so much?

"Clarke wait." Lexa's soft tone caused her to stop.

There was a crunch of leaves as Lexa slowly crept around Clarke until she was back facing her.

"I'm sorry."

Clarke refused to look at her. Lexa stepped a little closer and tried to take Clarke's hand, but Clarke quickly stepped back leaving Lexa's arm suspended mid air. She risked a quick look up and saw hurt flash across Lexa's eyes.

"Killing me would have caused me less pain than this."

Lexa mumbled so quietly that for a second Clarke wasn't sure she had heard correctly. However, Lexa's face clearly displayed that she meant what she said. Clarke's heart shattered. She wanted to step back and close the gap between them, to take Lexa's hand, but then she remembered what she had done and Clarke's heart hardened again. She was torn in so many directions and it was slowly ripping Clarke apart. Lexa remained vulnerable for only a second more before the mask came back and covered her face.

"You should get back to sleep seeing as we have a long journey ahead of us tomorrow."

Without waiting for a reply, she spun on her heel and made her way back over to the fire. Clarke stood there for another minute, trying to get herself back under control. She eventually made her way back over to her own bed and lay down, feeling even more conflicted and torn than before.

After waking and packing up, Clarke had another unsuccessful and embarrassing time trying to get back on Bellator. A grounder had to lift her up and Lexa was leading her horse once again.

"You know Clarke, had I known you didn't know how to ride I would have gladly taught you. I can still teach you, if you want. It's really quite enjoyable and it helps to take your mind off of things."

"Yeah, maybe."

After that, they rode in silence for the rest of the way.  Clarke lost track of time and after what seemed like they had been riding forever the forest started to look familiar once again. They rode a little while longer until they came across a worn track. The path that connects Tondc to Camp Jaha, Clarke realized.

"I have to leave you here Clarke. You should be able to make it back before night settles in." Confusion came over her and an uneasy feeling formed in the pit of Clarke's stomach.

"Why can't we just stop by the Camp first?" Lexa shifted uncomfortably in her saddle.

"You've been gone for three months. A lot has changed in three months. I don't believe I am the best person to explain to you what has gone on." Clarke sighed and dismounted, managing to not fall down this time. She stood there awkwardly, not knowing exactly what to say. When no one said anything she turned to go.