Infatuated (Unedited)

Chapter 30

"Say what?" I finally managed after what seemed like an extreme amount of silence. Hours ago he seemed royally pissed that I'd slept with Nicolas yet he asked him to turn me? That makes no sense at all. The way Nicolas came to me, nuzzled my neck and kissed me I just knew that was all his idea. Something he really wanted that was coming straight from his heart yet now I'm hearing differently? "Let me see if I understand. You're perfectly fine with the idea of me and Nicolas being together. You not only accept that your half human half wolf daughter is in love with a vampire but you want said vampire to turn that daughter?"

He simply nodded, rubbing circles in the back of my hand with his thumbs. Ok, now that we have that cleared up I still don't get it. What happened? Why the sudden change of heart?

"If I could change you myself, I would in a heartbeat but I can't. Just like I know that neither I nor DeLeon can't be with you to protect you at all times. It took for you to walk away from us back at your apartment for me to realize that. The both of us followed you--of course--but I had to face the fact that I wouldn't always be able to do that."

Just as he had, I nodded my head but pushed up from the seat pacing the floor in front of him. You'd think having my father tell me that he wants me to be turned would make my decision so much easier but it doesn't. My mind is still circling around my mother and even him. If I'd had the chance; known she was going to be killed, would I have wanted her to be turned? To have her by my side right now, I'm sure I would. What about when the day comes when my father is to depart this world? What will I do then? Live forever knowing I'd never see him again?

"I'm confused..." I muttered, breaking into bitter laughter. "All of this is so fucking confusing! You and Nicolas both are reasons why I want to do this. You're the two most important men in my life now. The only family I have so I want you both to be happy but I can't stop being selfish enough to accept this proposal." Pausing for the smallest of seconds I quickly debated on my next words deciding I'm just going to be honest with tears forming in my eyes. "I miss my mother. I miss her so much and the idea that I may never die and see her again scares me. I want to be with her. To feel her arms around me as she hugs me goodnight and calls me her 'Rayne-drop'. I never thought about it before now but I was able to make it this far without her because in the bottom of my heart I knew she would be there to greet me when my life ended. I know that I want to be with Nicolas. That I love him enough to do it for him just as I love you but I don't know if I want to be here forever--if I can accept you dying on me too and never being with you and Mom ever again."

Roger sighed heavily running his hand through his hair. He stood up closing the distance between us wiping the tears from my cheeks. He said nothing at first, just pulled me into him cradling my head like I was nothing more than the baby he never got to see and hold.

His lips dropped down to my forehead, kissing it slowly, "It's my fault that you feel this way and I'm sorry. You won't lose me Rayne. You don't have to worry about me dying anytime soon." I pulled back looking him in the eyes, wordlessly asking what he meant. "Wolves live until something claims their life. We don't get sick and we age a lot slower than humans. I'm sure when you saw me or even Lou you didn't believe how old we were."

That's true. Especially when I met Lou. I thought he was lying about his age until I saw his ID. "I just thought he had good genes so when I saw you...same thing."

Laughter vibrated through me as he stroked the back of my head, "That's partial truth. It's the way our bodies work and I believe, yours too. You may be more human but for a woman in her twenties you still look like a teenager. You'll be eighty and look twenty-five I'm sure. You probably won't believe this but your grandfather lived one-hundred-fifty-two years and his death came from what I believe was a broken heart. My mother was killed in a car accident and after that my father stopped shifting. That caused him to age faster and one day he went to bed and never woke up. Due to his place on the Council he was never able to fully claim her as his mate but he loved her. It was so clear that he loved her. That was when--why I had to leave Helena and you unknowingly. The point of me telling you this is to help you understand that I could be with you. For as long as I can I will be with you."

Selfishly I want to object to that because just like his mother he could be taken by accident but instead I just stayed quiet laying my head back on his chest. I won't be able to let that small fact go but I can and will cherish every moment I have with him.

He kissed my forehead again now rubbing my shoulders. Having this talk makes me feel a little better. I still wish there was something I could do to get my mother back but I think I can be content with just my father and Nicolas. I might even have Adam too. I can't deny that there was some kind of connect between us that day in the cafe'. Maybe like everything else he was brought into my life for a reason.

"So do you feel like you know what you want to do or...?"

"Nicolas is giving me some time to think about it. I don't know if I'm going to accept but I want to be sure."

"That makes perfect sense. I want you to know Rayne, that neither of us will be upset if you choose not to do it. No pressure."

For that I'm glad. I already have my own thoughts and concerns plaguing me. The added pressure wouldn't help at all.

I ended up staying with my father for a few more hours ordering room service and listening to stories about his childhood. I purposely asked him questions about being a wolf just to gain an understanding of who he is and what it's like for him. Through that I've gained a better understanding of why he was so ready to give his life to go after Dalton. It's like in those nature shows when you see an animal fiercely protecting it's baby. I'm his baby and he just wants to protect me. Not saying that I agree with him doing that but I get it now.

I returned to my room when the sun was beginning to rise leaving my Dad to get some sleep even though he said he didn't need it. Nicolas was standing on the balcony shirtless, watching the sky change in color. It baffles me how he can or why he would even dare be in the sun's path.

"I thought vampires were allergic to UV light." I teased as the door closed behind me. He turned slightly with that half smile and arms folded, rubbing his chin.

"Not when they're as old as I am. I can tolerate it in small doses."

"And what about me? Will I have to wait until I'm centuries old to enjoy the sun again?" I came into the room teasing him but quickly things have gotten serious. I've been a night owl all my life hence the reason I was able to quickly adjust to my job as an exotic dancer but you never realize how important or how beautiful something is until you're about to lose it.

He must have sensed my sadness in that question because the smile he held was now gone and he was motioning me forward. His arms went around me and instantly I felt like I was wrapped in a security blanket. Like nothing could touch me, nothing could hurt me, and nothing mattered. We stood there in silence watching the sun rise over the buildings ahead of us, listening to the birds sing, and the city come to life.

"I heard what you were thinking while you were with Roger, Querida and I don't blame you if your answer turns out to be 'no'. You would be the only one changing. It's your life that would no longer be the same. We both think that this is what's best for you but it is all up to you. I will love you the same even as a human with a head full of grays. I will be by your side until you take your last breath," he turned me quickly tilting my head back by my chin to level our eyes, "and like you said about your Dad, I will cherish every moment I have with you."

My words. He used my own words against me and with that accent it gave me chills. How could I not spend the rest of my life with him? How could I not give him an eternity of love he so greatly deserves? For once I'm going to stop thinking about me and think about him and my Dad. Both men are so different but so similar in the sense that they've lose someone they deeply loved, to death. I won't make them suffer through that again.

"I'll do it." Whispering those three words was enough for him. The smile that turned his lips quickly faded as he pressed them to mine. What started out as a peck on the verge of going deeper was quickly ended as my lips started moving without my consent. "But," he pulled back looking at me with worry, "I need one last day. One last sunset."

"Of course mi amor." Nicolas brushed the tip of his nose against mine, still cupping my cheeks. When he moved in for the kiss I'd broken seconds before I let him, enjoying the feel of being in his arms knowing that I'll never have to ever give that up but deep down wondering if by saying yes, I'm making the biggest mistake of my life.