Vulnerable (Zayn Malik AU)

Chapter 14

"Don't be silly." I was still clenching my legs to my chest as he turned completely toward me.

"I mean it."

"Let me remind you again...you barely know me."

"I know enough." He put his hand on my arm. "I just explained everything. I told you everything to help you understand my feelings...and you're still trying to say it's not true."

"I....This is alien to me, Zayn."

"It's weird for me too, Dais. I've never been in love. I've never liked a girl as much as I like you. At this point...I don't think I ever will like a girl as much as I like you. I'm not saying you have to feel the same way...and I'm not saying anything actually...I'm not doing anything but stating a fact. A fact I can't control, and a fact I can't change. Just a fact."

I just sat there. I had nothing to say. Anything I said was just dirt compared to the mouthful he revealed.

"I'm just gonna go." He removed his hand from my forearm and stood up, casually walking out of my room.

"Zayn, wait!" I hopped up and ran after him, lucky for me he was only a few steps into the hall. "Stay."

"It's near 9, Dais. I really should be going."

"No, I mean stay the night. Stay with me."

"I just met your dad for the first time, and you want me to stay? I'm not trying to lose his trust on the first night."

"I can handle my dad. Plus, he won't be back for hours. You don't have to worry about him. Just stay." I pleaded with him, and after an apparent battle in his mind, he nodded.

I took his hand in mine and led him back to my room.

"I don't have pajamas for you...but I could get some of my dads?" I said, but he shook his head no. "Oh! I have your sweatshirt?"

"I sleep shirtless. As long as you don't mind..."

"No, not at all. As long as you're comfortable." I tried to think of more options. "I have some basketball shorts that you could wear?"

"If that's what you want." He smiled.

Is that what I want? What does that even mean?

I reached into my drawer and pulled out an old pair of basketball shorts.

"Here." I handed them to him and climbed into bed. He didn't even leave the room to change. "I really need to get used to the fact that you're so confident." I laughed.

"There's a difference between confidence and contentment."

That's exactly how I feel. But there's no way he's not confident. He's so good looking. I'm different. I have lumps. Scars. Mentally and physically. But I've accepted them. I always say I'm content, but it never would have crossed my mind that Zayn felt the same way.

"These are a bit....tight." He said demonstrating the stretchiness of my basketball shorts by pulling the band out a whole 2 centimeters.

"Well that's all I've got. Wear what you want." I said as I crawled into bed.

"Boxers it is!" He said, dropping the shorts to the floor. "You like the left side, huh?" He asked, getting onto the right side of the bed.

"They say that people who sleep on the left side of the bed wake up happier."

"You're so full of fun facts." He laughed.

"Depends on what you consider fun." I laughed as well. "I soak stuff up like a sponge. My dad used to always watch documentaries and stuff. Well...I'm sure he still does, but not around me." I was laying with my back flat on the bed, and Zayn was on his side, his head propped up by his arm.

"Tell me another fact."

"Um..." I tried to recall some of the documentaries I had seen. "It's possible to build a radio out of a pencil, a razor blade, and some wire."

"What! No way! Can you?"

"I can't!" I laughed. "Are you kidding. I'm just the girl with useless knowledge. Not Einstein."

"I don't think that any amount of knowledge can be considered useless."

"Ok, Socrates."

It felt good to laugh. To just joke around with him. I could stay that way forever: perfectly content with nothing but the two of us.

"Are you gonna need to go home tomorrow before school?" I asked, breaking the silence.

"Probably."

"What should I set my alarm for?"

"Like 6:30." I leaned over and grabbed my phone. It was plugged in, but it still reached my bed. I set my alarm for 6, and another one thirty minutes later for him, then sat my phone on the nightstand before turning off my lamp.

I laid back onto my pillow, and turned to my side. As much as I wanted to face Zayn, my comfortable side was to go away from him.

"Daisy?" He asked as I was drifting.

"Hmm."

"Can I put my arm around you?" I giggled a little bit, and as annoying as it was to sound like a little school girl, he couldn't see me blush (for which I was thankful).

"Yes, please."


•••••


Naaaaants ingonyama bagithi Baba,
Sithi uhm ingonyama

I rolled toward the nightstand and slid my phone open.

"What in bloody hell was that?" I'm startled by Zayn's groggy voice.

"My alarm." He wrapped his arm around my waist.

"But what was it?" He asked and kissed my cheek before nuzzling his face into my neck.

"The Lion King." He laughed against my skin and sent chills down my spine. "I have to get dressed." I said and tried to leave his grip, but his arm only tightened around me. "Zayn, c'mon."

"No. I'm tired."

"We have school."

"We can skip." He said.

The thought was tempting. Lay in bed all day with Zayn or go to classes...either way I'd be with him. I couldn't care less.

"You can go if you want. Keys are in my jeans. See you later." He loosened his arm.

"Oh, shut up." I rolled over in his arms and curled up into his neck. He smelt so good, his cologne still lingering on his skin.


•••••


I'm woken up by a rush of cold air pricking at my skin. The only warmth in my presence being the hard object beneath me.

"Finally." Zayn laughed.

"I'm cold." I mumbled and wrapped my arms around him, trying to grab onto any heat I can find.

"I took the blanket off of you. You produce a lot of body heat, and I was sweating. Didn't know it'd wake you up..."

"Zayn Malik. Did you just call me hot?"

"No."

"You implied it." I laughed and climbed off of him, checking my phone. "Holy crap it's half passed eleven."

"That's early for me."

"Well me too, but not on a school day." I pushed his chest. "You hungry?"

"I could eat." He smiled.

I got up from the bed and sauntered into the kitchen. "Is cereal ok? I'm not in the mood for cooking."

"Cereal? It's nearly noon." I turned to see him walking into the kitchen, pulling the tank top he wore last night over his head, his jeans already clung to his hips.

"Who cares what time it is? We just woke up. Last time I checked when you wake up you're supposed to eat breakfast."

"Then I'll have some cocoa puffs if you have any left."

"I haven't opened them yet. Help yourself." I smiled and handed him a bowl.

The two of us poured our cereal, him his cocoa puffs and me my peanut butter captain crunch, and sat at the table.

"What do you wanna do today?" He asked, his mouth full.

"I figured we were just gonna sit around here...that's usually what I do when there's no school."

"Well there is school, but we're skipping. I say we do something." He gave me a toothless grin.

"Y'know, if you keep making me leave the house, I'm afraid this whole boyfriend-girlfriend thing isn't gonna work." I joked.

"Well I wanna show you something."

"Fine."

I finished my bowl and rinsed it. Zayn decided to have a second bowl while I went to get dressed. He ordered me not to wear makeup, but I ignored him and put on foundation hoping he wouldn't notice.

He told me to dress casual so I threw on my pair of black yoga pants that hugged my ankles. Then I put on a black bandeau, and a black-and-white striped muscle tee.

I slid on my running shoes and walked back into the kitchen.

"You ready?" Zayn was cleaning his bowl when I walked in.

"Yeah. You?" He asked and I nodded.

We walked out the door and I locked it behind me. I handed Zayn my key and he hooked it onto his lanyard. He said the less I held the better. The only thing I kept in my hands was my phone.

"I like your hair." He said as we pulled out of the driveway.

"Oh, shoot!" I reached up to take it out of its bun, but he stopped me.

"No really. I like how it's out of your face." He smiled. "And I thought I said no makeup?"

"How can you tell?!" I pulled down the visor to look for lines or mis-blending.

"Your cheeks didn't blush when I mentioned the bun. Or when I complimented you."

"So what if I just didn't blush?"

"I considered that but since you freaked out and asked how I could tell, you confirmed my doubts."

"Tricky." I glared at him. "So where are we going?"

"My house. Gotta change."

"And shower, right? You stink."

"Do I really?!" I broke into laughter and shook my head no. "I'll shower after we go to...the place. I'm definitely gonna smell worse after."

"Why? Are we going to the gym? That's one heck of a way to tell me I'm fat, Zayn."

"Don't ever talk about yourself like that." I found it odd how he even defended me to myself, but I quickly brushed it off. "We're not going to the gym."

"Then where?"

"I think you should know by now I'm not gonna tell you."

I was annoyed, but he was right. I did know...but it never hurts to try.

After we got to his house, he told me I could wait in the car. In 5 short minutes he was out, new clothes and his hair wet.

"I thought you weren't going to shower?You showered that fast? " I was appalled.

"Yeah. New record actually. What's this?" He gestured to the radio.

"Oh. I found a station I like." I smiled.

"Top 2k? What's that?" He read the screen.

"Top hits of the 2000's? Like 2000-2010? It plays a lot of R&B cause that was popular then. It's like my childhood all on one station." I laughed.

"We'll see about that." He smiled and pulled the car out onto the gravel road. Rather than turning left into town, he went right onto the highway.

"Where are we..." I didn't finish, knowing he wouldn't let me in on his plans.

Instead I just laid back in my seat and listened to the radio. It was nice to have sound for once. 

After watching the clock tick by for forty minutes, I grew impatient.

"Okay, really! Where are we going?"

"Whenever I got upset or lonely, I used to hop on my bike and ride out here. The first time, I didn't know where I was going. I just had to get away. I couldn't even legally drive my bike yet, but that didn't stop me. Then, just over this hill, something caught my eye." He pointed ahead.

"What was it?"

"You'll see." He smiled and reached for my hand. I waited eagerly for the road to tilt over the edge.

As our car rounded the hill, an abundance of trees were becoming visible, but nothing more. Then a large white curve peeked from beyond the clouds.

"Is that it?" I pointed.

"Yeah...I didn't expect the clouds."

"What is it?"

"Mt. Shasta." He smiled.

As we got closer, the mountain wasn't as shielded. Despite the season just now turning to fall, the mountain top was already covered in snow.

"Ever been?" He asked.

"Yeah, actually. My parents used to take me on picnics out here. At a little park."

"Oh we're not going to any park." He squeezed my hand.

We drove awhile longer, passing through a quaint little town. As we passed the last establishment, it all became trees and open fields. Zayn pulled off to the side of the road and parked the car, getting out to open my door. I graciously took his hand and stepped out if the car.

I was glad I decided on yoga pants rather than some type of shorts, but my arms were definitely going to get cold easily. It wasn't freezing, it was actually a comfortable warm, but the wind made it hard.

"I guess I should've brought a jacket." I laughed.

"I grabbed you one just in case." He smiled and reached into the backseat of the car.

He pulled out his leather jacket and a red, nike sweatshirt. He held the two of them up, letting me choose. I was too cold to wait for the leather to grow accustomed to my cold skin, so I went straight for the sweatshirt. I slid it over my head and was immediately enveloped in his musky, vanilla scent. My favorite.

"Good?" Zayn asked.

"Yup. But can you hold my phone?" I laughed and held it out to him. He placed it in his jacket pocket then took my hand.

"Let's go, then." We ran across the street and he dragged me through a field of tall grass. At first, the grass was shaded by trees and still had a bit of dew on it, so Zayn and I had to hop our way out of it, trying to stay as dry as possible. His long legs gave him a better advantage. We were less than a mile from the mountain when I finally spoke up.

"We're not gonna climb that are we?"

"Are you kidding? Do you know how long that would take? And how cold it is up there? No way." He laughed. "We can stop whenever you're ready."

"I'm ready." I stopped in my tracks. We were in the middle of a large field, but it's grass was different from the others. All of the other fields we had charged through had grass up to my shins. This grass looked like the toupée of an elder gentlemen. It was all perfectly combed over.

Zayn pulled my other hand in with his so that we were facing each other, and I couldn't help the way my stomach fluttered. His smile could cure cancer. The way his cute, little pink tongue pressed behind his gorgeously, white teeth. The gleaming sparkle that shined in his left eye whenever he laughed or found something amusing. He was a work of art.

"What are you thinking about?" He whispered.

"You."

"Oh how the tables have turned." He laughed and picked me up, forcefully wrapping my legs around his waist. "Kiss me." 

I draped my arms around his neck and leaned into him. The strategic way his lips interlaced with mine sent my heart and mind to another place. A place where nothing was impossible and no pain could ever reach me. In that moment I was guarded, and he was my protector. Such a simple gesture, yet it had such a heavy weight on my soul.

I entangled my hands in the hair at the nape of his neck, with which I was rewarded a small moan from his lips. In seconds my back was lightly placed onto the soft and, thankfully, dry grass. I kept my hands in his hair and legs around him, only now I wasn't holding them together by my ankles. I kept my right leg around his waist, and lowered my left leg down his body, resting it comfortably on his thigh.

I tugged at his hair again, a soft hum secreting from his lips onto mine. The vibration of his pleasure only made me reel in ecstasy even more. I grabbed his shoulders and used all of my might to flip the situation. I was now hugging his chest, and because he no longer had to support himself, his hands were able to explore.

I felt one hand on my backside. I jumped at first, shocked by the unfamiliar touch. I was embarrassed, but feeling Zayn smile into the kiss put me at ease.

I removed my lips from his, painfully needing to search more of his skin. I kissed the corner of his mouth as he gasped for breath, making my way down his perfectly chiseled jawline. Ending right below his ear I found a curve I couldn't help but wrap my lips upon. I gently sucked at the skin, barely nipping him with my teeth.

"Daisy." He whined. I pulled back, only slightly, and blew on the wet spot I had created, leaving goosebumps behind. "Where'd you learn how to do that?" He breathed.

"I don't know. I've never done it before." I laughed.

"Coulda fooled me." He chuckled and I brought my lips back up to his. "Daisy?" He said pulling away.

"Yeah?" I was still straddling his hips. 

"I wanna tell you something."

"Go ahead." I smiled. As sudden as it was, and as much as I wanted to keep kissing him, the crease in his forehead told me I better let him talk.

"So...a few years ago, when we moved here, we had a reason." I looked at him puzzled, but all he did was stare at the sky. I decided to lay my head on his chest, because he was obviously about to tell a story. "All of my life growing up, my mum wasn't happy. I didn't know why. My dad always seemed cheerful, but when my mum was around him, she wasn't happy. Ever. I didn't get it, ya know? I thought my dad was such a great guy, and it really bothered me that my mum disagreed. Then one night, when I was in bed, I heard screaming outside my window. I got up and opened it, and when I looked down, I saw my dad hit my mom. I didn't know what to do. I just laid back in bed and acted like it was a dream. The screams didn't last much longer, so I fell asleep after awhile." I reached for the hand that wasn't behind his head and intertwined our fingers. "Then a few nights later, I heard her again, only she wasn't outside. It came from their bedroom. I knew it wasn't a dream, and no matter how much I tried to tell myself it was I knew it wasn't." He paused and took a deep breath, my head rising with his chest. "So, I jumped out of bed and ran down the hall. My big sisters room was right there, and she saw me. Before I could open the door, she grabbed my shoulders and pulled me into her room. I asked why she stopped me, and she told me it was none of our business. Like it was perfectly ok that my dad was hitting me mum. Then... I heard my dad scream things like 'If it weren't for those damn kids I would've killed you already' and 'maybe I should just kill you all'...I was terrified. This man that I looked up to was just a monster in disguise. I heard my mom scream again, and I heard some things shatter. I was watching from the crack of my sisters door when I saw my dad throw open his bedroom door and storm out of the house. All I could see on the floor of their bedroom was my mums feet peaking from behind their bed. My sister tried to stop me, but I ran to her. When I got to the other side of the bed, my mum was all cut up and covered in blood. I knew it was her own. I told my sister to call an ambulance. Two days later we got back from the hospital. My mum lost a lot of blood so they had to give her some. When we got home, the house was a mess. My dad tore it to shreds. My mum finally came to her senses and said it was time to leave. We wanted to go far, and be in a place we'd never heard of. Redding just happened to be that place." He sat up, pulling me with him. "When we got here, mum said she'd rather I not go to school. Said she didn't want me around people cause then dad could find us. But, I wasn't just going to live in fear, ya know? I thought, 'how could he even find us halfway across the world?' So I went to school. After like a month here, my sister left. She didn't wanna be off the map. She wanted to be somewhere cool, so she went to New York. She's still there. At first, my mum had to send her money so she could afford an apartment, but after a couple months she got a job, and from what I hear, she's pretty happy and doing well for herself. I think you know the rest...My mum and I live in the woods and whatnot." He laughed.

"Zayn, I'm so sorry."

"Don't be. Its not like you could've done anything." He shrugged and played with my fingers.

"Yeah, but...with all that going on you got bullied too? I should've stepped up. I'm so, so sorry." I felt awful.

"Baby, you didn't know. It's ok. Really." He leaned forward and kissed my nose.

I didn't know what else to say. I felt like anything I said was useless, so I just laid there, pressing my cheek to his chest. I couldn't fathom the thought of what he had to go through. I was sitting there with the most beautiful man, who had been through so much, and yet there he sat. As if none of it had ever happened. As if his life wasn't completely flipped around.

"Are you hungry?" He asked.

"No."

"That's funny, because your stomach just growled." He laughed.

Leave it to my body to ruin the moment. I didn't want to get up. I could see why he drove all the way there to escape. It's peaceful. Serene. Comfortable. Well, maybe my comfort was only because of the soft man I had turned into a pillow, but comfortable nonetheless.