The Magician (D.Gray-Man fanfic) [Tyki Story] {Kanda Story}

Chapter 24

Chapter 24: Thoughts Before Death

"Who the hell is Elliot?" KanDick asked. But before I could answer, only a gurgling sound came out and the taste of iron reached my taste buds.

"Miss Minora!" The finder shouted in alarm. What's going on? Was my only thought before my vision started to outline with black.

"Don't close your eyes baka onna!" I heard KanDick shout as he unsheathed his innocence. My eyelids grew heavier and heavier with each breath and soon, my head hung down. The sight I saw made my eyes shoot open in alarm and surprise. A metallic rod went through my abdomen. Blood seeped through my clothing; so dark that it seemed black. I can't die.. What would happen to Alicia? Was my immediate thought before I slowly gripped the rod and fell to my knees. "It's an Akuma! Finder, help her!" KanDick shouted as he ran after the Akuma in the forest.

Everything was getting colder... and my body was no getting the pain from the rod though my body. Tears brimming my eyes as I stared up at the sky, "Stay with me Miss Minora." The Finder said as he knelt down by my side.

I felt warm tears fall from my eyes, both from pain and sorrow. I don't want to die yet... At least, not until I say goodbye to Elliot and Alicia... And Tyki... Please... I thought before everything went black.

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I've wondered for a while now. Why was I born a Judas? What was my purpose? I wasn't anything special really, in my family at least. It was normal for us to have two memories. Nothing about me, in my eyes, was special or unique in any way.

I wondered what would've happened if I was born a plain, normal human. Ignorant to the reality of the world. Knowing nothing of the fearful things in the world. Like Akuma, Judas, the Earl... Noah... Exorcists... Black Order... I would be peacfully living out my life till the day I die. I wouldn't always be looking over my shoulder for Noah or Exorcists. No more blood stained on my hands. No more watching people's life leave their eyes. No more insanity. No more killing. No more pain. No more... Maybe get married with a nice husband, have some kids, grow old then die peacfully. Why? Why was I deprived of this? I could've lived at least part of my dream with Elliot but no... NO! Someone decided to take that happiness away from me... WHY?! Why did my happiness have to be ripped away from me..?

To this day I still don't know what happened to my true love. I don't know if he's dead or alive. If he's being tortured. Where he is. Who took him. Has he given up hope? Does he still love me?...

That last sentence made me sick to my stomach and made my heart hurt. What if he lost his love for me? Then what? What about my happiness? What about Alicia? What would happen to the happy memories of Elliot and I talking about having two more kids and getting married; getting a house in Spain. Just living normally, away from the family. With Alicia. Just to be... normal..

What would happen to all of that?

He was my sole purpose of living. I vowed to have faith in his abilities and he would be back. Safe and sound. Even it's been two years... Even if there's a chance he might be dead... Even if... I have to wait years for him to reincarnate and come back to the family... I would wait because I loved Elliot. He was my other half. The one who didn't make me feel insane. Who made me feel normal... human.

Then at some point when I was thinking about all of this, Two years had passed me by, waitin for my love to return home but no indications were made... I was ready to kill myself. Without my reason for living, what was the point in going on living a life I didn't choose? But then I found new reasons to live.

Eeez, Tyki and the guys.

I met them after two years without Elliot. Eeez, Tyki and the guys soon enough, became my sole reason for living. I wanted to stay with them. This was a life I chose. To become a traveling magician and make others laugh and smile. To befriend miners and a sickly child. To live the slightly less fortunate life.

Because it was pleasant.

Because it was fun.

Because it was interesting.

Because it was something I wanted. Something that didn't require me to report to that bitch of a mistress, that didn't require me to hurt others. Didn't require me to go insane. I loved it and I loved all of them. I would do anything to protect them. To keep them safe.

To say godbye to them was a horrible experience. Each time I was sent on missions and left for meetings. The sad look on their faces made me want to tell off that bitch and stay there with them in their little shack.

But that all had to end three months ago. When she sent me on a mission. When I met those exorcists. When I found out Tyki was a Noah. When I was captured, tortured, went insane, went through hell, then become a lap dog for the Black order.

Why couldn't I just have been left alone? Why did Elliot have to disappear? Why did I have to be born a Judas? Why did all my happines have to be taken away from me?

Why?

Does the universe hate me?

Why did I have to fall in love? Why do I have to always feel pain?

Maybe dying is a good thing... I don't have to feel anything. No pain, no sorrow, no heartache. I don't have to always have thoughts plauged by a certain Noah, or have flashbacks about a certain Judas... Is death my one true... paradise?