chapter 1-Audition

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*Ross pov* *New Directions auditions*

I stand at the mic and feel the tension in the glee club before me. I hear the piano start playing the music I had chosen. I had nothing to lose. I became a nobody overnight, and in this moment I feel like the loser I know I am.

Let it go, Let it go, can't hold it back anymore....
The snow glows white on the mountain tonight,
Not a footprint to be seen.
A kingdom of isolation, and it looks like I'm the king. I pull the mic from it's stand and walk to the piano.

The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside,
Couldn't keep it in heaven knows I've tried. I feel my pulse speed up as I pick up a guitar turning the song punk.
Don't let them in, don't let them see be the good boy you always have to be.
Conceal don't feel don't let them know.... I hold the note and then the auditorium goes dead silent then I strum the guitar hard.
Well now they know! Let it go, let it go, can't hold it back anymore.
Let it go, let it go, turn away and slam the door I don't care what thay're going to say! Let the storm rage on! The cold never bothered me anyway.

I felt myself start to lose myself in the emotion of the song and look out at everyone. I see Tony and point to him and he comes down to the stage.
It's funny how some distance makes everything seem small, and the fears that once controlled me can't get to me at all!
It's time to see what I can do, to test the limits and break through no right no wrong no rules for me! I'M FREE!

It felt like someone hit me right in my chest and tears fell down my cheeks as I belted out the next verse. And one thought crystalizes like an icy blast! I'm never going back the past is in the past! Let it go, let it go, and I'll rise like the break of dawn!
Let it go, let it go, that perfect boy is gone! Here I stand in the light of day, let the storm rage on! The cold never bothered me anyway.

My heart is pounding as I wipe my eyes and start to walk off stage, but I don't make it off before our club director starts to speak to me.

"Ross, during your performance, something happened it was like something took over. What was going through your mind?" Will asked me and I felt the tears start again.

"He lost his best friend and his career as an artist Mr. Shue. That's the pain he felt during the song. He still hasn't really delt with losing Zach. He hasn't had time, and with losing his career it gave him more time to realize what was actually lost." Tony said and I couldn't speak I couldn't even move. I see Ryder get up and he comes up to the stage and guides me off.

"That was one of the most intense and raw performances I've ever seen. Are you going to be ok?" Ryder asked me and I shook my head.

"I'm never going to be ok with any of this! It was a mistake coming here Ryder, I can't deal with Zach's death because I don't know how. I mean yes I can get mad and break things or cry about it, but it will never change the fact that I lost one of my three best friends." I shouted and it echoed through the auditorium.

I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turn around to see Tony and Mr. Shue. Tony pulled me into his arms and I sobbed. Ryder looked at Mr. Shue and they both knew what was going to happen over the next few days.

"Ross, I'd like both you and Tony in glee club. I've seen all I need to see." Mr. Shue said softly.

"Can I get back with you tomarrow? I really need to figure out things in my own head before I start singing again. That really took a lot out of me." I said weakly.

"Take all the time you need Ross, you're always welcome to be in the choir room with us even if you aren't ready to sing." He replied and walked away.

*Tony's pov* *after school*

The ride back to the house was silent. There was so much I wanted to say to Ross, but I couldn't find the words to say. How could I make him feel better now? It's been six months since Zach died and he is only now feeling the blow of it all. Ryder pulls the car into the drive and parks.

"Come on, let's go inside and lay down Ross." I said almost whispering.

"Tony, I'll be ok. I'll lay down after I shower." Ross said and smiled weakly.

He went upstairs and got clean clothes and headed to the bathroom. I hear the door close and I turn to Ryder. He looks at me and sighs.

"He's not going to do glee. He told me it was a mistake coming here." Ryder said as we started walking to his room.

"He needs the music now more than ever. He needs us now more than ever." I said sitting on the bed.

"How come you didn't tell me Zach was gone? Had you not said anything today I would still be assuming you guys had broken up." Ryder asked me.

"It's not an easy thing for me to talk about. I just got past the worst of it and I still can't just talk about it." I said looking at the floor.

"I guess I never really thought of it that way." He said walking over and sitting down next to me.

"I'll help Ross figure out what he wants to do in a little bit. Then we can go from there." I said softly looking at Ryder.

"Ok, and I want you to know if you or Ross ever need to talk I'll be here to talk to you even at three in the morning. My door is always open for you guys." Ryder reassured me, and I nodded.

"Thanks Ryder, it means a lot." I said getting up and hugging him before turning and going into the room Ross and I shared.

I threw my backpack on the floor next to the bed and walked over to the bathroom and let myself in. I could hear Ross crying so I just sit there and wait until he speaks first.

"Tony?" He asked.

"Yes babe?" I responded and he seemed to relax a bit.

"Can we go home?" He asked looking out of the shower curtain.

"We agreed we would avoid L A. for awhile." I said calmly.

"No I mean home, back to your parents place. I just need something familiar right now." He said stepping out of the shower grabbing a towel.

"Tell you what, sectionals is in about two months so we can go home for the weekend every weekend until then." I reply and he smiled softly pulling on his briefs and shorts.

"You would do that for me?" He asked hugging me tight.

"Yes, I'd do anything to make you happy Ross. Even if it means long trips across the country." I told him and I felt him smile for the first time since his audition.

*a/n musical numbers will be shortened as they are on glee so there can be a story outside of the music*

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