Secrets and Camera Flashes

Chapter 52

As soon as Dean leaves, Charlie sits up. "Dude."

Castiel jumps, slapping a hand over his chest to calm his pounding heart. "How long have you been awake?"

"I have no idea," Charlie says. "I was in that weird half-awake, half-asleep state for a while."

"Huh."

"I can't believe it!" she squeals -- but quietly. He didn't know she could squeal quietly. "You did it! You told him!"

Castiel puts a hand on her shoulder in a vain attempt to calm her down. "Yeah, I did. And what do you know? He's straight." He says that last part in a deadpan, borderline sarcastic tone. He saw that one coming; Charlie was the one that kept insisting it wasn't the case.

"He didn't say that," Charlie says. "Technically, he could still --"

"He's straight, Charlie," Castiel says. "Game over."

Charlie frowns. "Okay, fine, you're probably right," she concedes. "Still, do you feel better now? Are you at least glad you came out?"

"I don't know," Castiel admits. "I mean, I guess I'm glad that I got to see his reaction. I'm glad he didn't, you know, flip out. I didn't really think he would, but I'm glad I know for sure now, and I'm glad he doesn't think anyone else would care -- not that I'm planning to tell them, but, you know, just so I know. And..." He lets out a long breath. "I guess I'm glad I know he's not interested. 'Cause, you know, if he was, he would have said something -- at least that he's not straight -- and he didn't. So..." He shrugs. "Back to being lonely and gay, I guess."

Charlie pats him in the shoulder. "Hey, at least now you know, right?"

Castiel sighs. "Yep. At least now I know."

"On the bright side," Charlie says, perking up yet again (how is she so energetic in the middle of the night?), "you guys wrote a song together! That was cool!"

Castiel can't help but smile at that. "Yeah, we did, didn't we?" He has to admit, it was pretty cool. He'd never thought of setting his words to music -- partially because he doesn't know how to make music -- and he definitely never expected Dean to be the one to make it happen. He's slowly creeping up to be one of the biggest pop stars in the world, and he wanted to work with Castiel's words. It was sort of uncomfortable, but it was cool, too.

"I think you should take him up on that 'co-writing' thing," Charlie says. "I bet it would be cool."

Castiel shakes his head. "No, thanks. I'm much more content following someone else's words than making my own."

"Well, yeah," Charlie says, "but that's half the fun! No one's gonna know they're your words. It'll be just you and Dean."

"Any anyone behind the scenes," Castiel says. "I don't even know if my manager would go for it."

"Why should your manager have to know?" Charlie asks. "It'd be under a pseudonym, remember? And I'm sure Dean could play the 'just a friend' card to keep it away from whoever would usually know the co-writers. A good song is a good song; I'm sure they won't care who helped write it."

Castiel hesitates. She does have a point. Taylor Swift did it with her boyfriend on folklore. Dean could probably get away with it too, right?

"You're thinking about it," Charlie says, a teasing smirk on her face. "Thoughts are being thunk. I can tell."

Castiel narrows his eyes. "I'll think about it."

Charlie pumps her fists. "That's good enough for me!"

Castiel shakes his head, amused. "Alright, I'm going to bed." He slides off the couch and onto the floor. "'Night, Charles."

"'Night, Cas."

Castiel curls up on his side and closes his eyes. Oh, how he's missed sleeping.

~~

Jo is still asleep when Dean makes it back to her room. He crawls into bed as quietly as he can, careful not to wake her, and slips under the covers the best he can. Jo must have subconsciously decided that they were her covers while he was gone because there's not much left on Dean's side of the bed, but he can make do.

He closes his eyes, but he's nowhere near as tired as he was when he got out of bed not too long ago. He can already tell he's going to be awake for a while. He can't force himself to sleep when he's not tired, and it doesn't feel like his brain is going to be shutting down any time soon.

Cas is gay.

He's...

He's gay.

He's a dude who likes dudes.

He's not entirely sure why this is so interesting to him. It kind of explains a lot about it, honestly. If he was right that the guy's family was homophobic, it would make sense that he wants to keep it to himself, and that would explain why he doesn't get close to a lot of people. He'd be surprised if that's the only reason, but it makes sense to him. Everything about him being gay makes sense.

So why doesn't it make sense?

Deep down, Dean thinks he knows what the answer is. Deep down, it's something he's known for a long time. It's a thought he's entertained before, but ultimately disregards every time just because it's easier that way.

Maybe it's finally time to address it.

Maybe he's bisexual.