I'm tired of people trying to bring me down by spreading such nonsense things and making up stories about me or my life like wtf, my life is never your business to begin with. And yes, I'm tired up of being a quiet btch the whole time. I realized I am still me, I still have the same vibe as I was before and if people can't accept that nor my friends, so be it. I don't have to please everyone nor change myself just to have the same "vibe" as you in order for you to accept who I am and be with me and to the extent of considering me as your friend because if I'm your friend, you will accept me for who I am and who I was. Quarantine taught me a lot of things and I want to become happier this time. I want to love myself the way the people around me didn't. I had a lot of anxiety attacks for the past few months, online classes gave me chills, less communication made me depressed and for people to lose my trust even when they know what I've been through to have courage to trust again - break it, shatters me. I understand that we're all struggling, we should talk about each other's problems to the closest to us but why does it feel difficult when it shouldn't be? Why do you all make me feel like I'm so untrustworthy? Why do you keep making things complicated and distant when I was always speaking up about how I always wanted for us to be closer and I've always been reaching out. You might think I'm funny or I'm being too much and that the world doesn't revolve around me but how should I react? I can't handle it anymore. People keep saying, "we're all in this together" and nobody gets left behind but why do their actions speak otherwise? If you ever talk about me behind my back, I'm sorry but I'm going to cut you off. Even if we're friends, it's over. Oh, that wouldn't even make us friends right? It's toxic.
12.20.20
