I wanna be yours... -ALEX TURNER- <3

14. Notes

This one will be cute I promise :)
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(Bella's pov)

"Here goes nothing..."
I mumble as I knock on Alex' front door.

Nothing.

Okay let's knock again.

Still nothing.

"He better has a good reason for not being home." I started to get annoyed.

I took my phone out of my purse and texted him.

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Me: Alex where are you?

Alex: I am so sorry, there was a band emergency. But things are okay now and I am on my way back to my apartment.

Me: right... I'll come back later.

Alex: no please, I'll be back in about 5 minutes. You can grab the spare key out of the keybox.

Me: Okay.

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That son of a bi-...

He could've easily sent me a little text message saying where he was going.

It's okay Bella, Alex is really trying.

I sigh.

I step towards the little keybox hanging next to the front door.

I remembered the code, since I lived here for weeks.

The code was easy.

It was my birthday.

Alex always told me how pretty the combination of my birthday number was.

It was kinda cute.

Whatever.

I am still a bit angry.

///

I walked in Alex' apartment and sat down on the leather sofa.

Now we wait...

I couldn't help but look at the ripped out page laying on the ground next to his guitar.

It's probably some lyrics.

I didn't want to look at it since Alex never wanted to show lyrics if you asked about it. He only showed it when he was ready to show it.

Fuck sake. He deserves it.

I lean forward and grab the ripped page of the ground.

I started to read the first lines, and realized:

This wasn't a lyrics page.

It was a love letter.

"I've dreamed about you nearly every night this week. My heart flutters when I hear your voice, even though it's in pain. I want to hold you close but you needed space. Your face fades away while I try to keep it on the rails.
Do you know about the extraordinary feeling you get when watching your favourite movie, musical, or even opera? I felt that feeling even when you weren't around. Just thinking about you made me feel this way."

My eyes raced from left to right.

He's an amazing writer.

"My hands feel cold, and my chest is lonely.
Seeing your reflection in the mirror would break me to pieces. The pain I gave you was hurting me the most. I never wanted to admit but now I am certain."

My eyes start watering.

"My eyes are lost, but when I saw you... I knew wich direction I needed to go.
My lips are lonely, and looking forward to the next time they would touch yours.

I never wanted that kiss to end, I am sick of having to pretend. "

Yours truly,

Alex.

...

Was he talking about-....

No he wasn't.

Did he remember the kiss?

Alex...

I smile.

Does he love me?

I jump a little when I heard the someone opening the front door.

"Bella..." Alex walked into the living room.
He looked a bit guilty and took of his jacket.
"I am so sorry not letting you know wher-..."

"Did you write this for me?" I interrupted him as I stood next to the sofa with the letter in my hand.

Alex froze and looked at me.

"Oh lord, you shouldn't have seen that." Alex looked shocked and walked up to me.

"Do you remember it?" My eyes start watering.
"Do you actually remember the kiss?"

"Bella, I-... yes... I do remember." Alex looked down.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I walk up closer to him.

"I didn't want to ruin things Bella... do you know how fucking scared I am to lose you?" He looked desperately in my eyes. "I didn't want to risk our friendship by telling you about how that kiss made me feel so in love with you."

I shake my head.

"Are you in love with me?" I say as I look in his eyes.

"Fuck yes Bella." He smiles a bit. "And I am not scared to be in love with you anymore."

A smile grew on my face.

"You should've told me you remembered the kiss Al... I loved you too." I say.

"Loved?" His smile fades away.

"Things happened Alex... I forgave you, but it's scary to love you again. I want to Al... I really do."
My eyes started watering again.
"I just always thought you didn't like me back, so I hid those feelings away. besides, you had a girlfriend! Wich made it even more clear to me that it wasn't meant to be. And now? Now it's hard to get those love feelings back, you know." A tear falls on my cheek.

He stepped closer and laid his hand on top of mine.

"I have made countless mistakes Bel. I've hurt you in many ways, and I still could never forgive myself for doing that... but you did. You always see the positive sides of me wich I never even looked at." His eyes start watering too.

"I don't know how long it will take you to love me again, but please know, that I'll be waiting for you Bella." His voice was shaking.

"I wish I could rush it Al, because I miss you so much, it fucking hurts." I laugh a bit and looked down. "I am so sorry for making you wait Alex." I look back up at him and stare in his eyes.

"Fuck sake Bella don't you dare apologise to me darling." He smiles and moves his body closer as he went in for an embrace.

"I do really love you Alex." I said as I put my head against his chest.

He puts his chin on top of my head.

"I love you too Bella."

"We'll figure it out together..."

But... awh 🥺