Desperate Measures

Chapter Seventeen- This made it final.

~~Cinnamon's point of view~~

~Two weeks later~

The last two weeks have been a complete blur. I know what's happened; I am still trying to process everything. My husband is dead; He isn't coming home. We buried him, and the media has gone absolutely crazy. Karter and Tray both lost it on them during his funeral. It wasn't something we could keep the kids out of. They needed to be there.

Telling Bryant that he not only lost his brother but his mother was heartbreaking. We decided to take him to her funeral. He deserved to be there. It was just Kerrison, me, and him. Her manager planned it all; I called Frankie. He is mine now; I am all he has now. I am not even related to him, but that doesn't mean that I don't love him. He is my only connection to Arlington; I see Arlington when I look at him. They have the same eyes.

The first few days, he was hard to look at. Then I realized he will always look like his brother, and I should embrace that and not see it as a bad thing. It made me grow even closer to him. He did lose it when he thought we were going back to Arlington's house. He said he wouldn't be able to sleep there anymore and asked if we could stay at Kerrison's. I already knew we weren't going back; I wouldn't sleep either. He wanted to be a big boy, so I let him. He asked Kerrison himself if we could stay. Kerrison came to me with tears in his eyes.

Karter and Katy went to his house. They got all of mine and Bryant's things from his home. The media went crazy when they saw that. They got creative knowing they couldn't come into the neighborhood, so they rented a helicopter, and they fly over the area. There isn't anything we can do about it.

My mother has been a huge help. She retired from her job. She and Dyson have been here since they came to help Katy. Dyson joked that all the attention has made his business grow. He was trying to lighten the mood, but nothing seems to do that these days. My heart hurts. I don't see the hurt going away anytime soon, especially when the media won't let him rest in peace.

Kerrison had to send a guard to his tattoo shop. Eric was having trouble with the media coming there and trying to get in the basement. Kerrison told me everything that happened. I was upset with him; He let her get off easy. I did apologize after because I realized he was right. She would have kept getting out, and our lives would always be in danger.

I know we are safe now. It's just the media. I know that I have to be the best mom I can possibly be to Kyzer and Bryant. How do I do that when it still hurts so bad? How do I still move on with life when Arlington doesn't have that chance? These are the things that have run continuously through my mind. I feel responsible for his death. I shouldn't have let him go to his house that night. I should have done something to stop him. I was his wife. I should have nagged him and not let him go.

I know I can't go back and change it. I can still mourn his loss. I have to do it responsibly. There is more than me involved. I am truly thankful that my mom has been here. She has been my rock when I break down, and she has also been very hands-on with Bryant. It is going to take time for all of us to heal. We all grieve differently.

Kerrison: "Are you ready?"

No. I'm not. I don't want to meet with Arlington's lawyer. Meeting with him makes all of this seem final. I don't even know what he wants. I do know he said Elma's lawyer would be there too. That makes me really not want to go. I want to puke is what I want to do.

Cinnamon: "I guess so."

I don't make a motion to move. Kyzer is asleep on my chest, and Bryant was sleeping with his head on my lap. This is the most peaceful I have been in the last two weeks. I don't want to give it up. It happened, though. Tray came and took Kyzer and gave him to Dyson. He then picked up Bryant and gave him to my mom. Katy had Gia, and she was asleep too.