The Pirate's Ransom

29. Making Choices

    Prim rolled over and felt around for Caspian. She blinked her eyes open. He was gone. She sat up and looked around. Across the room, he sat at a desk. Caspian rested his forehead in his palm.

    "What are you doing?" Prim asked.

    "Thinking."

    "About?"

    "You don't want to know." He didn't look at her, but his shoulders rose and fell with uneven breaths.

    Prim cautiously slid out of bed. Her vision was clearer now, but a warm tingle still filled her body. "Are you all right?"

    Caspian closed his eyes. "Sometimes I have nightmares. I hear them screaming...begging for help. I can never reach them."

    She moved behind him and rubbed his shoulders soothingly. "Do you want to talk about it?"

    "No."

    "I think you need to."

    "No. Please don't ask me to."

    "All right." She slipped her hands beneath his shirt, rubbing his tense muscles. He swallowed but didn't look up. "How often do you have nightmares?"

    "A few nights a week. I usually go up to the helm and just watch the stars until I calm down."

    "You've never woken me up."

    "I'm used to being quiet. What would the crew think if they saw their captain crying because of a nightmare?"

    "Everyone has nightmares. I think they'd understand."

    "Maybe a few of them. The others would just feel awkward and wouldn't see me the same anymore."

    Prim let her nails scrape across his shoulder blades. Caspian exhaled slowly. "You're human. They should see you as that."

    "I'm their captain."

    "And you're human. You love. You fear. You cry. It's all right to do those things."

    Caspian shook his head. "You don't understand."

    "You're right. I don't. I don't understand the pressures of being a captain and a Pirate King. I do understand that it's bad to hold things in, though. The longer you hold memories back, the more they fight to be free. You need to talk about it sometime."

    "I can't." Caspian swiped a hand across his eyes. "It hurts too much."

    "All wounds hurt before they heal."

    "This wound will never heal."

    "It will dull. It will scar."

    "Prim, I don't want to talk about it."

    "All right." She let her hands drift to the front of his shoulders. His heart raced beneath her palm. "How did you like sleeping beside me?" Prim laughed quietly.

    "I could do it every night," he admitted. "Although I'm not used to beds."

    "I'd help you adjust." Prim leaned down and kissed his neck. Caspian stiffened. "I like when you hold me. I've never been held before. I'd never been kissed before either."

    Caspian's breath caught as she hiked her shift up to her thighs and twisted onto his lap. "Prim," he murmured.

    She kissed his neck, then his jaw. "I like when you kiss me."

    Her sleeve fell, exposing her shoulder. Caspian gently brushed her curls aside. He cupped her cheek and she leaned into his touch. He brought his face close to hers. His nose tickled her jaw as he simply breathed her in. He pressed his lips to her neck, then her shoulder. Caspian pulled her sleeve back up.