Trigger warning: slight mentions of suicide, assault etc.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
❝To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover the prisoner was you❞
- Lewis B. Smedes
The memory haunted her. She could remember it so vividly. She didn't know why it was returning now, standing here in front of him, staring in to his red eyes defiantly. She could recall how from the very first moment she had loved him with her entire being - she could recall wanting to have done anything for him.
It had been so easy for her in those first moments where their eyes met for a second that felt infinite to her. And right now? Well right now she couldn't remember exactly what when wrong. She was trying to pinpoint it but she couldn't. It had been so many moments - so much history in such a short amount of time.
She remembered killing herself because she felt rejected - but that wasn't solely because of him, she remembered him conspiring to get he family killed, she supposed it was so that she'd only have him to turn to, but she didn't know for sure. She remembered him confessing her love for her at the worst moment possible, but just what was the trigger? the moment that she knew she hated him - she couldn't recall. And it tore at her, she was beginning to think that perhaps it was because she didn't, hate him that is. She was after all and all or nothing person, when she loved someone she couldn't not hate them.
Had it been the lack of emotions? the assault? what had it been?
She wanted to reach out to him, standing there in front of her. He had been so caring these past two days, he had picked her up off of the floor the first time - given that in that particular case she was broken down because of him - and now he had done it again, picked her up off of the floor so gently while she had been sitting there leaning on the door sobbing. She had pushed him away rather roughly, anger had been prominent in his eyes, but now it was slowly turning to sorrow, just like her defiantly look.
What had happened to them, they were soulmates were they not, had heaven made a mistake? or maybe this bond was created in hell and not heaven, maybe this was payment for their sins.
Anna did the unexpected just then, she brought him in for a tight embrace, one which he returned ever so gently.
"what happened to this?" she voiced her confusing thoughts, "I don't know amore mio, I really can't say," "I think I know..." she began, "hmm?" he looked down at her still holding her in his arms. "you're angry, rejecting, assaulting both physically and mentally," she told him, his eyes turned sad, not because she said it, but because it was the truth. "but what I don't understand is how I still feel something for you, something that's not bad, that's not hated. Actually I'm not sure I hate you at all. I can't forget all those moments, all those abusive, breaking moments, and I can't find it in myself to forgive them, but I can't hate you. I can't do anything but care for you.
I guess in the end, that's part of the reason why I turned it off, so that I could hate you, hate you for your part in the reason I became this... this monster, both as a vampire but also when I was still human. you changed me and I needed to hate that, but now I can't..." Anna confessed, "I'm so sorry Anna, " he took her face in his hands, "I'm truly sorry! for more than 3000 years I have felt nothing but anger, and there you came, you changed everything in me in no more than a second, I was. I was... I was scared ok? I'll spend the next eternity trying to make up for that, I promise! just please give me a chance, let's try to be at least. Well I don't know, friends I guess, can we try? can you? please" he got down on his knees hugging her waist, it took her a second to realize, but he was crying "please" he begged her. She stroked his hair and whispered: "I'll try. I promise.
And so they stood like that for a long while neither of them uttering a word, both silently crying for the past, letting out the emotions they never could. While Anna wondered if this promise would turn out to finally become a successful suicide.
