Just Hold Me

Chapter: 1

It started when I was four. All the constant arguing and slamming of doors. My mom always crying herself to sleep.

It almost never ended.

If you listened really hard, you could hear my dad trying to make things better. Offering his credit card, or a new pair of shoes.

When he finally noticed that this was going to take a lot more than a shopping spree, he'd leave the house.

He never told me where he went to. He just said it was complicated.

My mom would come out of her bedroom when she was finally done crying, and put me to sleep.

She'd sing me one of her favorite songs and as I was slowly drifting to sleep, she'd whisper, "Oh, Emily. Never let men push you around. You just be yourself."

It wasn't until I turned seven that I really understood what she was saying.

My dad left us when a new job offer came along. He moved to New York.

After years of struggle, my mom sent me to live with him.

It wasn't the big houses or the really cold weather that made me scared, it was the way he looked at me.

Like I didn't belong with him.

Living with my dad has definitely been something.

My mom and I still talked. But I could never shake off the feeling of pure hatred for her.

I mean, why did she not want me?

What is so wrong with me?

When I turned fourteen, we stopped talking for good.

My dad, even though he was never around, would hand me stuff.

He'd get me a phone. He'd give me money. I got everything.

But love.

I never really felt like he cared about me.

My room could totally be an electronic's store. I have two televisions, five computers, three phones, an Xbox 360, a Play Station 4, and an iPod. He just keeps on giving me stuff.

And it's great. I mean, what kid wouldn't want all these things?

But occasionally, I kept on thinking about my mom.

Her warnings would always echo in my head. Not to trust men. Not to change myself for anyone. Just be yourself, Emily.

And now, I just don't care anymore.

I have tons of friends. Everyone likes me.

I don't need my parents to talk to me if they don't want to.

I just need my friends.
• • •

My dad is mad.

Everything was going great until Katrina showed up.

Her lips bent up in an awkward smirk. Her hair so perfect, as always. Her eyes their normal shade of bright green.

I was putting my books in my locker when she pushed me.

Making my face slam against the locker door.

Okay, I know it's really dumb for me to be mad.

But I was. Angry.

So I turned around, and lounged at her. Once she was on the floor, I would not stop hitting her.

She hit me too. But at least I don't have a giant bruise on my left eye.

And anyways, she started it.

So, technically, it was self-defense.

But unfortunately, we were separated and dragged to the principal's office.
Where she clearly stated how disappointed she was in both of us.

She called my dad. And her parents. Who, just like her, could be models if they weren't so stuck up.

Now, as Principal Peter's silently take a deep breath, she lays out my consequences. "I am afraid you are expelled, Ms. Jones."

My dad's face hardens.

"What?" I snap. "I didn't even start it this time."

He looks at me. "Drop it, Emily," he says very angrily.

I give a very overdramatic groan.

"Am I the only who doesn't think this is fair? Katrina is the meanest girl in the universe. What's going to be her consequence?"

Her eyes narrow. "I am afraid that is none of your business. You will collect your things and leave school property right now."

I shake my head. "This is stupid," I yell.

"Emily," my dad erupts. "Go do what she said right now or so help me, I will drag you out of here myself."

We glare at each other for a very long while. His eyes as hard as stones. His jaw and teeth clenched.

It was the same look he would give my mom.

I immediately scold myself for even thinking about her.

After a while, I finally get up and leave the office, slamming the door in the process.

It's not my fault.

She was being a jerk.

I should march back into the office and tell Principal Peter's that I'm not going anymore.

So what if my dad disowns me?

I'll never be the perfect, quiet daughter he has stuck in that mind of his.

A few minutes later, I had gathered all of my stuff and was ready to go.

My dad, given how mad he was, wouldn't talk to me at all.

When we got to the apartment though, he finally exploded.

"What were you thinking?" he yells at me. "Or, were you even thinking? Were you in your right mind today, Emily. You got expelled. What am I supposed to do with you now?"

I look at him. "Well, you could just leave me here. I have plenty of stuff I could do-"

He cuts me off. "I dread the day your mother sent you here. I left you because I wanted to. I try so hard to keep you out of the way. But this is what you do. You're always a constant pain. Everywhere you are."

My eyes start to water.

Not because I'm upset.

But because all the constant screaming just makes my head hurt now more than ever.

When I don't say anything, he glares hard at me. "Get out of my face. I don't want to see you again."

I leave the car almost immediately.

Trying to wipe away the angry, frustrated tears that keep going down my face.

I knew it, I keep telling myself. You shouldn't be crying. You totally suspected this.

But the tears kept coming.

Even as I climbed up the stairs, threw all my stuff on the floor, and sobbed into my pillow.

My parents don't love me.