Just Hold Me

Chapter: 11

How do you describe something in which you knew was trouble from the start, but you did anyways? Is there a specific name for that or not? What do you feel after a break up? What are supposed to feel?

So many questions.

I can only say, I feel relaxed. I hadn't given myself up like most girls would have. I didn't tell him anything that could get me in trouble if he were ever mad at me. We simply hung out, is all.

But I can't stop thinking about Adam. Is he always so short-tempered? What if he gets back together with Claire? Or maybe-

I was so distracted I didn't hear mom talking to me. I didn't even notice her until she waved a napkin in front of me.

"What?" I ask.

She gives me a look. "Are you okay? You seem a little spaced."

I shrug. "I'm just thinking," I answer honestly.

She sits beside me. "Adam called. I think he wants to talk to you."

Shaking my head, I bring my knees up. "All he ever does is talk to me. He said he wanted to prove me wrong and he ended up not changing anything at all. I don't even feel like we were dating, mom. Absolutely nothing has changed."

She smiles. "Well, he's already here so I guess you're going to have to tell him that."

As if he knew we were talking about him, Adam walks in. He doesn't look me in the eye, or at me at all.

Mom stands up. "I'm going to go clean. If you're going anywhere, don't let the girls see you or it'll get them excited."

Adam smiles at her. "Wouldn't want that, would we?"

After mom leaves, Adam turns to me. "I called you earlier."

"I know," I say flatly.

He sits beside me. "I'm sorry for the way I acted that other night," he says quietly. "It was rude and I shouldn't have done it."

We are so close it's hard to focus. If I concentrate really hard, I can almost feel his breath. His eyes were staring into mine and it was all I could do to stop me from going crazy.

I kiss him.

For a while, he just sits there. But then, he kisses me back. His arm goes around my waist and his other hand to my cheek.

This isn't my first kiss. It's not the first time I've kissed someone. But this is the first time I actually mean it. The first time, I would much rather suffocate than pull our lips away.

Adam pulls away after few minutes.

I run a hand through my hair and scoot farther away from him. "Sorry," I mutter.

But I'm not sorry. Not by a long shot. This is literally the best feeling in the world.

And he kissed me back. Does that mean he likes me too? Or did he just do it because he's used to it?

What if I did that for nothing? What if he just decides to be done with me? What will I do then? How am I supposed to think straight when all I ever think about is him?

I need help. Definitely.

Before I was done imagining the worst case scenario, Adam takes my hand in his, pulling me closer. "Don't be sorry, Emily."

My breath is literally gone. It's impossible to breathe when everything you've ever wanted is right in front of you. More beautiful than ever.

But deadly.