Just Hold Me

Adam

Is it good that I feel completely horrible for leaving Emily? Because I do. She is the only person I think about now.

And I keep looking up plane tickets to New York. Her mom had given me the address before Claire and I set of for Texas. And I already have her phone number.

I've tried calling her so many times but she will not answer. It keeps going straight to voicemail.

Plus I've seen the way she looked at her mom. Pure hatred. I mean, not anymore. They're close again. But I don't want her to look at me that way.

I just don't know what my problem is. Why can't I let her go?

As I was leaving my bedroom the day we broke up, I heard her say "I love you". It's the only thing I think about. I told her she wouldn't be alone. I told her I would take care of her.

But I'm gone. I left for Texas two months ago.

She's probably sitting in her apartment all alone. And who knows whether she got into that college or not. I really hope she did. Her friends are going there. She won't be alone.

I try calling her again.

She answers after the third ring. "Hello?"

"Emily?" I gasp, my voice gone all of a sudden.

"Who is this?" says a girl. Not Emily. She sounds mad.

"Um, I'm... looking for Emily," I stutter.

She laughs. "I know who you're looking for. Do you know what you've put her through? She's depressed all the time now because of you."

I sigh. "I didn't mean to make her go through anything. But is she around? Can I talk to her?"

"She's in the shower."

Immediately, I started sweating. We hadn't gotten carried away that last time. But I still remember the way her skin felt against mine. Her long hair wrapped around my fingers. Her warm lips pressed against mine.

"Can you tell her to call me back?" I say after a while.

Then I hear her. "Josie, why are you on my phone?"

"Just stop calling me," she says into the phone.

"Emily," I say softly. "I wanted to hear your voice again. It's just been so long."

She's about to start crying. He can tell by the way her voice sounds.

"Baby," I say, I know I'm pushing it.

"Don't," she whispers. "I'm begging you. Leave me alone."

"But I didn't mean to make you feel bad. I was just-"

I stopped as soon as I heard her crying into the phone.

"Forget that stupid jerk," I hear Josie say. "Block him or something."

Then Josie was back on the phone. "Look, she's really upset. I know it's too much to ask but can you just forget about her. She's been through a lot the past couple months. We don't need you making it worse."

"What if I come over and talk to her?" I say before I can stop myself. "It'll take a while. But I'll be there."

Josie hesitates. "I don't think that's a very good idea."

My heart was beating a hundred times faster than usual. "I want to see her," I beg. "I have to. I've been wanting to for two months. Can't you help me out?"

She finally sighs. "Fine. But keep me out of this. I won't be the one to tell her."

After a long while of talking, we hang up.

There's a knock on my door.

When I open it, I see Claire. She gives me a small smile.

"Come in," I say.

She sits on my bed. "After two months you still haven't unpacked?"

I shrug and sit beside her. "I was always planning on going back to Emily. I just didn't know how."

She looks at me. "I thought you'd forget about her already. You never really liked her."

"I do now," I say quietly. "And she won't talk to me."

Claire smiles. "Adam, you did leave her. How can you expect her to talk to you after that?"

Emily and I were getting close. But she was trying to not get too attached. I could see that. She didn't want to be completely attached to someone who was going to leave her months later.

Well now, I do want to move in with her. I want us to grow close again. I know exactly what her mother went through during the summer.

But it's all going to change. I'll make it better. We'll talk and I'll fix us.

So for the next two hours, I tell Claire about my plan to go up to New York in hopes of seeing Emily.

HEY!! I AM LEFT WITHOUT WORDS. IF YOU FEEL LIKE COMMENTING, GO AHEAD. PLEASE POINT OUT ANY MISTAKE I HAVE MADE.

THANKS FOR READING!!!