Married to Mr.Bieber

Chapter 22.

I ran into Justin's arms. His warm chest colliding with me, his long arms wrapping around my shoulders, his scent filling my nostrils. Justin was just filling my senses. I took a deep breath and could smell him -his natural scent.

"Carter." His voice was silky smooth, like the satin sheets that kings lay upon. A smile forced it's way onto my lips as I nuzzled into his neck as far as I possibly could.

"Justin.." I could feel him adjust his head position so his chin was on top of my head.

"I missed you so much, baby." That's when the tears began to slip from my tightly shut eyes. The small droplets rained down upon his exposed collar bones and neck. I tried to speak but my mouth was suddenly cotton-y, it seemed like the tears took every ounce of liquid from my body. Justin's breathing began to even out, heart beat slowing. Then, a sudden slick, thick, wetness was all over my back.

My arms slipped from his waist and I took a step back and my eyes focused on something that was almost unrecognizable as Justin. Hollowed out cheeks, dark rimmed eyes, and most frightening of all, his normal sparkling caramel eyes held a fogginess, lined slightly with moisture I assumed was tears.

"Why do you have that look on your face? You look like you've just seen'a ghost..." He paused, stopping for a moment to breathe. Shortness of breath? "I'm still the same old Justin."

Except this wasn't the Justin I came to love. This wasn't the healthy, bright eyed Justin Drew. I finally ripped my gaze away from the distorted face and finally focused on something that made my heart rip in two, made mesick to my stomach, my head spin. My eyes found themselves staring at scar covered forearms, dripping with crimson blood. I could clearly make out the inch long marks, scaring up the pale, once perfect skin. Was this what I felt on my back..?

Now I literally was sick to my stomach.

I licked my lips. "Your arms..No- what happened-why?"

He chuckled moving his arms so he could see them clearly. "These? They're things I did to show other people how much you meant to me -how much I loved you- and how much I wish I could take everything back."

Justin cut up his arms for me? Loved? What is going on?

"Loved..?" My voice came out shaky, desperate for this confusion to end.

Justin nodded. "Loved. Yes, because I don't deserve you and I'm going to do the ultimate testament of love to show you how much I care about you....and it's all done for you, baby. Everything was always done for you. Always." more wetness then rimmed his hay eyes, some even slipped from them, rolling down his cheeks. "I love you so much. Just remember that my heart will be where your's goes. I want to be where your heart goes."

I was beyond confused. Confused would be saying the least about how I felt. What in the hell is the ultimate testament to show love? Of love? Nothing made since until I saw a black item being pulled from behind his back and switched between his right and left hand, over and over again.

It finally clicked.

"Justin no! This isn't showing me how much you love -or loved- me! I need you with me. Not gone! Don't do this, please don't do this." The suffocating tears were back, restricting my voice from flowing any longer. I could feel my lungs seize up as he lifted it to his left temple. His fingers shook violently, but somehow I knew there was a sense of reassurance behind his shakiness.

Salty wetness was now pouring down his cheeks. "I love you across the galaxy baby. You'll never understand how much I care. Please always remember that I never wanted to hurt you. Ever."

Everything slowed down to half speed for a moment. I could see the muscles and tendons in his wrist, twisting, clenching, forcing the muscles in his hands to move. Next was the small, almost barely noticeable movements of his fingers. Their sweaty grip loosening immensely before tightening back up.