I'm Sorry For Being Me (Phan/KickTheStickz) Book One- COMPLETE

Dan's POV

It had been a week since he left. I refuse to call him by his name. Mostly because he hasn't bothered to call since.

Nor visit, text, e-mail, he didn't even give me a good reason for leaving! He hadn't been planning on leaving after I told him my feelings, but over reacted when I went to look for him.

I'm confused and upset, and it doesn't help to hear from your two best friends that he's doing great.

I can't help myself but ask.  But from what I've heard, he hasn't bothered to do the same.

I still watch his videos and I am still in love with him, no matter how much I hate myself for it. I refuse to inflict harm on myself in anyway, though that razor tempts me at times.

That's why I was beyond surprised when I was talking to Chris, and he asked me how I was.

"How are you?" Chris asked me.

The question itself didn't make me wonder, though he never really asks. "Good. Why?" I asked him.He shrugged. "I was talking  with Phil and he asked me to ask you." My eyes widened.

"He was asking about me for once?" I asked.

"Well, actually, he's asked me things about you a lot. He just told me not to say anything. Seeing as you are obviously not okay, I thought you should know. He's not been very well though, and I'm pretty sure you want to talk to him, correct?" I nodded.

"Well then I'll tell him you said you are doing great without him." "What!? Why would you say that?" I asked him.

"Because, then he'll be jealous." Chris told me. "Why would he be jealous?"

"Because he has been horrible. Dan, he was in love with you too." I gasped. "Then why did he say he didn't feel the same?"

"Because he didn't want to believe that he was gay, especially for someone he thought was heterosexual. And even if you were gay, would never like someone like him that way. His words, not mine."

"That's stupid." I said, blatantly.

"Hey, don't shoot the messenger. Now that we've talked about all the crap, how's about you get us some grub!?" Chris said in a Texis accent. I rolled my eyes and laughed, picking up the phone.

I ordered our pizza and prayed that they would take  over half an hour. I don't really feel like paying... or eating, for that matter, after hearing all of that.

So, Phil really did like me, he was just trying to hide it because he thought that I wouldn't feel the same. I repeat my earlier words, that's stupid. I hope he realised that.

The pizza got here just on time, sadly, but Chris offered to pay. Being me, I couldn't let him do that, but he refused to let me pay all so we split it.

***

That night I didn't sleep well. If he knew that I liked him, why did he leave?

My bed was uncomfortable at the moment, so I decided to get up and get something to drink. I went to the kitchen and poured myself a glass of water.

I just stood there for a bit, occasionally taking a drink, and decided to play a video game until I fell asleep.

I chose Sonic Adventure 2: Battle, because my Chao was getting close to level 99 in everything.

I played until 2:00 Am and remembered that I hadn't slept yet. I get so engrossed in these things that I forget the simplest things. 

That night I counted the stars so as to not think of hi- screw it. Phil, and had a dreamless sleep.