I'm Sorry For Being Me (Phan/KickTheStickz) Book One- COMPLETE

Dan's POV

Dan's POV

I stood in front of Phil, scared stiff. I looked behind him, and saw that Chris was sitting there.

"Oh... sorry, I didn't know you were on a date..." I said, turning around to leave. "Don't be silly, come in, Dan! You look like you've been hit by a truck!" Chris said, sliding past Phil to usher me inside.

"I was just about to leave anyways. See y'all later!" Chris said, walking through the open door. Phil gave him a look of confusion, and Chris winked. Phil frowned.

"I don't know what his problem is, the pizza hasn't even gotten here..." Phil said. I smiled, thinking about how this was the only time we had talked since he left. The smile quickly faded, as I remembered why I came here.

"Listen, Phil. We need to talk." I said to him. He nodded, and sat on the couch. He patted the space next to him, and I sat down. I waited a few seconds, thinking about how I was going to say this...

"Phil, do you love Chris?" I asked him. "Yes, of course!" He said, but I knew he was lying. "Then how come he told me you still loved me last week?" I asked. He blushed and looked down. 

I could feel the tears come back slightly. "Then why did you tell me otherwise?" He was about to answer, but I wouldn't let him. "Why did you walk out when I so obviously needed you? Why did you think that saying you weren't gay and in love with me would help you!? WHY COULDN'T YOU HAVE JUST TOLD ME YOU LOVED ME!?" I yelled at him, standing now, as angry tears flooded down my face. "Why?" I whispered this time. 

"I told you otherwise because I was so used to saying I wasn't gay and in love with my best friend who, in my eyes, would never be able to love someone like me. I walked out because I was so upset with myself and you didn't deserve it. I thought that thinking I wasn't gay and in love with you would help because I never dreamed that you'd love me. And I couldn't tell you that I loved you... because I was scared..." Phil said to me, crying as well. He stayed on the couch.

"Why were you scared?" I asked, sitting down again. "I was scared... because I didn't know how you'd react. My parents don't know I'm gay, you didn't know I was gay, the only person who knew I was gay was me! No one knew I was in love with boys, let alone you. I thought you would kick me out, telling me that you didn't love me, and could never forgive me for ruining our friendship." Phil said. 

I smiled. "But... I do love you..." I said. He smiled. "What about Pj?" He asked. My smile faded. "What about Chris?" I asked him. He smiled this time, making me frown more. "What?" I asked him.

"Chris and I aren't really dating. We just said that to make you and Pj jealous." He winked this time, and I blushed. "He likes Peej?" I asked. He nodded.

"Oh..." "Apparently, he told Pj that he loved him and Pj said that he didn't feel the same because he was in love with you." Phil said. I gasped. "So that's why Pj was sad earlier!" I said.

"...What about Pj...?" He asked me quietly. "I don't know..." I said, my head in my hands. 

Just then my phone buzzed, and I pulled it out of my pocket. 

"Hey Dan. Could you come over? Like, now? -Peej." The text read. I typed back a quick reply.

"Yeah sure, I'll be there in a sec. -Dan." I pressed send. "Pj wants me to meet him. Said it was urgent." I told Phil. He nodded. "Okay. Feel free to come by anytime." He said. 

I nodded and smiled. "I will!" I said to him, before walking through the door. I headed out to my car and shifted the gear. I drove out of the parking lot, slowly picking up speed, when my phone rang. 

I turned on my GPS so that I could talk on it, and it quickly connected. I pressed Answer. 

"Hello?" I said. "Hey, Dan." It was Pj. "Hey Peej! What's up?" I asked. "I was just wondering if you were at Phil's?" 

"Yeah, I just left. Why?" I asked. "No reason. I just wanted to know how long it would take for you to get here. See you soon!" He said to me. I smiled. "Okay! Love you!" I said into it. He didn't answer.

"Bye." He said after a few seconds, and then hung up the phone. I had shock riddled into my face. "He didn't say it back..." I said quietly. Sure, when I said it I didn't truthfully mean it, but he always says it. All of the time.

I drove into Pj's driveway and went to the door. I opened it and headed to the lift. I pressed the up button and waited a few seconds. The doors opened and I stepped in.

I press the large number Seven, and the doors closed. I waited until I heard a ding. 

"Level Seven." The lift girl sang. I walked out as the doors opened once again and walked down the hall. I opened the door at the end of it, and I saw Pj sitting at his small table with a tea cup in his hand and one on the opposite side of him. 

"Hey." I said to him, taking off my Vans and Calvin Klein jacket. I sat down in my chair and brought the drink to my lips. "So what did you need to talk about?" I asked him after swallowing a bit of my scalding hot tea.

"Well, Dan... You're still in love with Phil, aren't you?" I hesitated, then nodded. What was the point in lying to him? 

"But you don't love me...?" He asked. There was the point in lying. I shook my head. "Of course I love you, Peej!" I said, trying to be convincing. You may think I'm being mean, but hey! When was the last time you were in this situation, huh? 

"...You're lying..." Pj whispered, softly. "...I'm sorry." I told him, even quieter. "It's okay, because the thing that I have to tell you is... You know how Phil said that he wasn't in love with you even though he is?" He asked me. I nodded. "I did the same thing with Chris... I told him I didn't love him, because I thought that it would ruin our friendship if we started going out." He told me. I smiled.

"That's not going to happen! Just go for it!" I told him. "He's dating Phil." 

"They're not really dating. That was just to make us jealous." I said, smiling again. He laughed. "That is sooo like Chris." He said. "Okay. I'm gonna go for it. I hope you're not too upset at me for leading you on." He said. I hugged him.

"Bye, Peej." I said, walking out the door.