Greys IV - Chains

Chapter 17 - What Love Is

Amb said this was how the world was. I couldn't remember anything different. And she wouldn't lie to me. She said she had a job to do that I could help her with. She said I would do anything for her. And I always did. She said she loved me, and I always said it back. She wanted me to, and I would do anything she wanted. I always did. I always had. It's all I knew. She said that's what love was.

She was usually with me, but when she wasn't, my world was dull and flat and thin. I'd blink and hours would pass. The world felt less real when she wasn't near, like I was less than a person when I was left alone. I hated that feeling. So I wanted the opposite, I craved her near me so I could be whole again. She said that's what love was.

She told me to wait. It had been hours standing there, though it seemed only minutes, but the sun had sunk and set long ago, even between my wakeful blackouts, I remembered that. Time skipped and jumped like my mind couldn't connect seconds to minutes to hours anymore. It flowed over me and past me, a stone in its freezing stream. The world simply moved through me like I was outside of it, like I wasn't real. So I stood, waiting where she had left me, watching the door. I counted the corners sometimes, the four sides, though I didn't know why. I couldn't move, or I could but I wouldn't, I wasn't sure which. I just knew I was supposed to wait, to stay, so I did.

I was in our room, my arms down by my sides, barefoot and bare-chested. She liked me like that. It was cool in her room, but I liked the cold. She said I always had, that it was strong and solid and enduring. Never-ending, like us.

When the moon was high and bright outside her window, casting everything in short shadows and shimmering light, the door across the space from me opened and she walked in. My body immediately relaxed, my mind returning and sharpening, time snapped back into place. I blinked. My world had returned. She watched me, and I waited silently, waited for her to speak, to tell me what she wanted so I could do it, give it. But she just watched me, her big, blue eyes searching for something. I waited.

My chains began to steam, burning me and melting away, dripping like thick mud dragging my skin with it before hitting the floor and sizzling, but I kept my eyes on her. It should have hurt, maybe it did. I could smell flesh cooking, and I had never liked heat, but I didn't mind. I was too focused on my Amb to feel it.

Her chest rose and fell like it was one of our nights together, but she smelled of sharp fear, not heady arousal. It didn't make sense.

"Why are you afraid?"

"Are you going to hurt me?" Her wide, innocent eyes watched me, her long, moonlight-spun hair making her look like a nymph.

"No."

I blinked. Why would I hurt her? That wasn't how the world worked. I never hurt her, she only ever hurt me.

"Do you love me?" She asked seriously, her eyes drilling into mine now.

"Yes."

"Say it."

Her voice hissed the command, and the words left my mouth before hers even closed.

"I love you."

Her eyes hardened like the ice their color resembled as her smile turned carnal. I knew what she wanted. I knew her so well.

"Prove it."

And I did. I always did what she wanted. That's what love was.

» ✦ «

"I'm going to hurt you now."

She smiled serenely at me in the early morning light as she straddled my lap, one of my naked wrists gripped in her small hand, the burns still glistening an angry red. She held a wide knife in her other hand, a caper knife. I knew what that meant.