Greys IV - Chains

Chapter 44 - I'm Watching You

I sat with James for hours, brushing back his hair and talking. I asked him about the past months, his father's home and what his goals were, his strengths, his plan. His home was impenetrable, a fortress, just as it always had been, just as Malachi had reported, folded between the edges of the world using Baraqiel's unique Gift magnified by his indentured mages. And he often changed where it hid. Which meant infiltration was impossible, just like he couldn't get into the Vault. Which, in turn, meant we would ultimately have to meet somewhere in open battle. Like last time.

James kept his eyes closed, his head heavy and relaxed in my lap, but he answered every question openly and honestly. And even though my stomach felt sick and I had to continually relax my tensed muscles, it was a bit like how we used to be, in the few good, calm times between the storms. That thought hurt and soothed in equal measure, that we had so few peaceful moments together, and that things would never be the same - really the same - again.

Sometimes my fingers ran over the edges of a scar, the ripples and ridges and smooth, raised lines that made it impossible to forget what he had been through, that Ambriel had pulled him apart to stitch him back together not only for his pain, but her pleasure. Sometimes my hand drifted down to his tattooed band before I would notice and withdraw, reminding me that he was a full-blooded Fallen, something even his father couldn't control without shackles and dark magic. I could feel the unyielding hardness of Abby's collar against my thigh too, a grim sign that even James worried if he could control himself.

I relaxed my shoulders again, my jaw aching from the constant tension. I traced my finger along the scar across his neck, one of his oldest, and the only one that was self-inflicted. He made a soft noise and I wondered if he was asleep. I hadn't asked him anything in minutes, lost in my own thoughts instead.

"Do you sleep still? Do Angels need sleep?"

He smiled gently without opening his eyes.

"We rest, not sleep. Our bodies don't need it, but our minds do."

He shifted until he could look up at me.

"Want me to show you?"

No matter how many times I looked into those eyes, they still struck me. I understood why so many worshipped him, why everyone he met, even before he had fully come into his power, fell into line behind him. Everything about him was meant to influence others, but his eyes - they were like staring out at the stretching sea at night, feeling the wind, the power and freedom, hearing the waves crash, endlessly.

I nodded.

He sat up, circled the bed, and laid down on his side. He laid on his back, his hands folded just beneath his chest. His movements seemed stiff, like he was focusing hard to complete each one. I paused for only a moment, but whatever part of me that had decided to come in the first place, to sit with him, to touch him, to talk with him, decided to keep going. Because he was trying, so I would too.

I crawled up my side of the bed, watching him just as he watched me. But then he looked away, his jaw tight and face hard. His whole body tensed as his hands clamped together until his arms trembled. He let out a grunted chuckle, as pained as it was joyless and ice ran from my neck down the length of my body.

He panted after it passed, his little laugh continuing breathlessly.

"That one was worth it."