Greys IV - Chains

Chapter 31 - I Dont Mind

The sick irony wasn't lost on me that not long ago I had sat in the passenger seat as James drove us to the Vault, Malachi bound in the backseat, his unnatural yellow stare in the rearview whenever I let my eyes wander. And now, I sat next to Malachi, James bound in the backseat, his flat blue watching me with no interest, no emotion, just staring like he wasn't even aware he was doing it, like his mind was elsewhere, like he was just an empty, broken doll. And at the root of each of those experiences was Baraqiel, the one who would do anything to control and use those he deemed as his.

I still felt nothing when I looked at James, no fire, no love, no connection, and that hurt more than I could take. So I replaced it with hatred for those who had taken him from me - his father and Ambriel. It was like he was merely a look-a-like, an image of James, but not actually him, a wax figure. Physically, I had him back, but he wasn't really here. It wasn't really him...

Stop looking at me.

I jumped when I heard his smooth voice in my mind, the one part of him that was the same. I hadn't even noticed my Gift touching him because it didn't feel the same anymore. It didn't feel like anything. There was no sensation from his mind, no fiery pleasure dancing at the cusp of pain, just emptiness and stillness, like his eyes.

So we can still talk like this.

I mused, wondering if he would be able to hear me too.

I'd prefer it if we didn't.

His reply was cold.

Could you talk to Ambriel like this?

He was silent, just staring ahead like we weren't having a psychic conversation.

I'll take that as a no.

We don't need to. I always know what she wants. She doesn't have to tell me.

Lovely. Sounds like a great relationship. So, do you like being her sub? Is that your kink now, cause I want my partner back, not some pet."

I couldn't help it. I was pissed. I hated that he was hers, that he wanted to be hers. And maybe angering him would be my way in, my way into making him feel something, anything. Maybe then he could find his way back to himself, to me. After all, this is how we used to work, at least - until the end when we tried a new way, soft and sweet, though something told me that would no longer work.

My words got the desired effect, as his empty gaze focused on me, his lip curling up on one side, showing teeth.

Better a pet than a prisoner. I know how the world works. Everyone kneels for someone. That's what love is.

I don't kneel for anyone. And that's not love.

Then you lie to yourself. And don't you love your pets?

He slid his eyes from me to Malachi then Ailech, one dark eyebrow raising ever so slightly over his navy eyes.

They aren't my pets.

They follow you. They obey to you. They protect you. They are loyal to you and only you. They would die for you. That sounds as much a pet as you say I am.

No, they are my family. They chose me.

Ambriel is my family. I chose her.

I heard my teeth grind and realized my fists were clenched in my lap, my nails digging into my palms as black lines crawled over my knuckles and wrists. James looked perfectly calm.

We are your family. I am. You chose me, not her, never her. You hate her. She's a monster. She sided with your father!

I counted my breaths in my head over and over, trying to stifle the shadows, the hatred and anger and pain roiling within me. I wanted to lash out at someone, anyone, at James. I wanted to hurt him, though I knew I shouldn't. I knew this wasn't him, wasn't his fault. He had been through something I couldn't imagine, didn't want to imagine, but the anger remained, however irrational. He blinked a few times, then shook his head slightly and continued just as calmly.