Greys IV - Chains

Chapter 26 - You Want It Darker

Vampyres, I hated them. I didn't quite know why. Amb didn't mind them, and she assured me that no part of my old self, the weak, Human version that had died so easily, was still within me. But I intrinsically loathed the creatures nonetheless, so when she gave me a nest to clear out half a day away, to get acquainted and play with my new gift, I felt a buzz of excitement in my blood.

I had always been able to control fire, create and direct it even without my Shift, but I rarely did. I didn't need to against the weak little Humans and Shifters and pathetic, diluted Darklings I had been sent after. And my Sign didn't feel right anyway - it felt foreign. Amb said it was because I liked the cold so much, because it reminded me of her, but I still always ran hot, whether I was using my Sign or not. I only really used my flames on Vamps, and only because they hated fire, hated the flames as much as Amb did.

She said I would have more powers - other powers - with my new gift. And I could feel what she meant coursing through me. It wasn't fire, though it was similar, similar yet different. It was less controlled, less defined, more erratic. It was chaos, an uncontainable energy. And it was hungry.

It hurt just enough to make my hands tremble and my muscles spasm if I relaxed them, to find myself gritting my teeth to stop from making a weak sound. It made a strange fear rise in me, too, something familiar I couldn't place. But besides the unpleasant side effects, I was interested in my new power, the energy. Maybe letting it out would lessen the pain and fear it carried with it. Or maybe it was the price I had to pay for such power. Ambriel said everything had a price, and I was used to paying. That's how the world worked.

Whatever came of it, I knew the sizzle in my veins was meant to destroy. Just like my fire, this power wasn't meant to create or sustain life, to heal or protect it. It was meant for destruction, to tear down and rip apart, to be the end, never the beginning. I also knew what the hunger wanted - blood. It demanded violence and fear. It wanted to be worshiped. It craved depravity and domination. And it called me as if by name.

In my real life, I was a weapon to be used, a shield and soldier, or maybe more of a pet, but I wasn't ashamed of what I was. I didn't have pride, so I didn't have shame either. But some small part of me still preferred the inverse. To dominate instead of submit, to rule instead of obey, to control instead of be controlled, to be the thing other monsters feared. To answer to no one. I didn't think I liked taking orders, and the heavens knew I didn't take them from anyone but my Amb, my keeper.

That small, snowy woman held my leash with an arsenal of mages and my inked collar backing her. I could choose to do what she said or she would make me. But I didn't mind the things she asked me to do. I usually enjoyed them, the hunting and killing, the fucking. I assume that's what things like me did when left to our own devices anyway. And since I didn't feel much of anything without her feeding me her emotions, she told me I didn't really want anything either. She was the one with the plan, so having her direct me saved me the effort.

She knew she had more than just my loyalty, she had my heart too, even without her reins and redundancies. And whether our connection, our love, was through magic or not, it didn't matter to me, not really. How I felt was real, so where it came from didn't make much of a difference. We were bound to each other. We were one. I had even grown to enjoy the way she showed her affection. She always called for a healer afterward. She made them leave the scars though, she liked my scars, liked leaving marks to show others I was hers and that she could do whatever she wanted to me. It was her art. And I didn't mind that either.

I would rather feel pain than nothing at all, and when I was with her, I always felt something - a pull to please her, to obey, to protect her, pain and pleasure, lust and violence. It was better than the thin, hollow, confusing emotions I felt when I was away on a mission. But this time was different. I had my Shift to play with, to cover myself, to make me whole. That's what it felt like - like I was a whole person. Sometimes I felt a part of me was missing, but not when I was Shifted, then, I was exactly as I was made to be. My Shift gave me the same feeling of fullness she did, the same emotions. Rage and violence swirled in my mind like a drug, but I kept my focus. I had my orders.