Star Wars Guys x Reader

Cry: Cassian Andor x Reader

A/N: requested by sadstrarwarsfan14 - hope you're doing ok bby <3

Warnings: death, crying, disturbing descriptions, abuse, swearing

Word count: 1055

You stand there, motionless. How can he be gone? How can he never be coming back? How... How is he dead? How can he have left you here in this galaxy, when you two had always joked that you'd be the first to go, thanks to your impulsive nature?

'I - I'm sorry,' the Rebel Alliance women says, slowly backing away before heading off to break the bad news to some others, most likely.

You can tell that she was taken aback by your lack of reaction - lack of emotion, lack of anything at all. But that's what was beaten into you from a young age, like a tattoo, inked into your skin and permanent. Don't cry in front of other people. It makes you weak. It makes you dead weight. It makes you useless.

You can still hear your mother's voice, berating you the last time you cried in public. You're pretty sure you were sixteen, and you'd just recieved the information that your little brother had died, his school razed to the ground by Imperials. Tears streaming down your face, you had wished, prayed, that they'd misidentified the body, made a mistake and told the wrong family, but as soon as the man showed you and your parents a hologram of his body, you knew. That was your little brother, his head half cracked open and blaster bolts peppering his chest.

Your mother, her eyes dry, her face stone cold as her heart, had slapped you once, stingingly, across the face, and had told you to stop your snivelling.

And this is like it all over again. Yes, maybe he wasn't related by blood, maybe he was just another fellow agent and spy for the Rebel Alliance, but you remember the way he had bounded up to you when you first arrived, welcoming you with open arms and a bright smile. He had reminded you so much of your little brother, and now... and now both of them, him and your brother, are gone.

And however hard you work, however hard you'll try to hold the tears in later, they aren't coming back.

The words echo in your head, short, terrible, and far, far too final. They proclaim: this is the end. You won't see either of them again. They aren't coming back. They aren't coming back. They aren't coming back. It's like ice cold water drenched over you. They aren't coming back. And now, your meager list of loved ones is depleted by one, and you can't do anything about it. You can't. Maker, you actually are useless, aren't you?

Sniffling, you feel a familiar lump in your throat, sense the familiar pricking behind your eyes, hear in your ears the mantra - don't cry, don't cry, don't cry. Don't. Fucking. Cry.

Shit, you need to get out of here. There are too many people. You can't cry here. You can't cry anywhere, any more. There is always someone, their eyes pitying as they rub your shoulder and offer their kind words when all you need is solitude. Solitude or Cassian. And even then, you won't dare cry in Cassian. You don't want him to think that you're weak. That you're dead weight, or that you are useless.

Hurrying across the room, you yank open the door, your footsteps loud on the concrete floor of the corridor. Harshly, you bite the inside of your cheek and hurry forward, hands clenched into fists with your nails digging into your palms.

Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.

You breathe a sigh of relief as soon as you get into your room which you share with Cassian. Now you're here, you can have a good long shower and no one will know if you're crying or if your face is just wet from the water. Sighing, gnawing on your lip, you grab some clothes and a towel and shoulder open the door of the en suite, quickly stripping and chucking your discarded garments on the bed before stepping in the shower.

The water is hot as it hits your skin, and finally, you let the tears fall. The ache in your throat starts to loosen up, and your hand makes a smacking noise as you steady yourself against the wall. Is it weak if you cry alone? Does it still mean that you're -

The door opens, and Cassian pops his head round the door.
'Can I join you?'
Hurriedly wiping your eyes, you nod. 'Sure.'

A few seconds later, he stands next to you, sharing the stream of hot water, and he glances down at you. Avoiding his gaze, you stare at your bare feet against the tile, praying to the Maker that you won't start crying. Gently, Cassian eases an arm around you, dipping his head and kissing your damp hair.

'I'm sorry, my love,' he murmurs. 'I'll... I'll miss him too.'

Barely a few words from him, and an ugly sob comes ripping out of you, shaking your shoulders. Cheeks flushing in shame, you angle yourself away from him. Whenever you've cried before, it's never been so... loud. It's only ever been silent, trickling tears, but never this, never violent sobs, never red eyes and a running nose.

And yet, despite your expectations, Cass doesn't shove you away in disgust. Instead, he holds you closer, murmuring sweet nothings into your ear, one hand stroking rhythmically down your back. Glancing up, your mouth a wobbling line, you assume his face will be twisted in an expression which suggests that he's barely tolerating this behaviour, but instead, you see his eyes are moist as well. Embarassed, you look away quickly, but he grips your chin and forces you to look at him again.

'Hey, what's - what's this?' He asks quietly. 'Love, it's okay to cry.'

'Pl - please,' you whisper. 'Don't yell at me.'

'Why would I?'

'I'm crying,' you sniffle, hiding your face in his chest. 'It's pathetic. I'm pathetic.'

'No, it's not, and no, you're not,' he replies. 'You're anything but that. People don't cry because they're weak or pathetic, love. People cry because no one can be strong forever.'

You nod, and he kisses your forehead.

'Remember that. No one's strong enough that they will never cry.'

'I - I love you,' you whisper, engulfed in the safety his presence provides.

'I love you too, sweetheart.'