Chapter 19: Sadie

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"OMG, that drive was painful" is the first thing Ana says when she steps into my hotel room. "I was such a third wheel."

"Wasn't Landon in the car?" I ask while Angie huffs at Ana's comment.

"As far as I'm concerned, he wasn't."

I laugh at that as Dimitri and Landon stumble into the room after them. I swear I hear Landon mumble "shut up" under his breath.

All six of us are standing in middle of Carter and I's hotel room, and, while it is quite large, I feel as if it's shrinking the longer we stand in silence. Carter greeted his friends with hugs and slaps on the back, and offered tentative waves to Angie and Ana. I didn't realize how strange this group is until we all got together. Ana and Landon are shooting daggers at each other; the true definition of if looks could kill. Sometimes I don't know who hates each other more: Carter and I or Landon and Ana. Dimitri and Angie, on the other hand, keep glancing at each other as if not being able to make out for three minutes while we're all together is just so difficult. I can't really be mad at that, though; Angie deserves to be happy.

"Well..." Carter starts. "Any plans for the day?"

I'm assuming the question is directed at me, even if he didn't even look at me when asking it. "We're going to get our nails done and explore downtown." I didn't actually plan what we would be doing, but it doesn't really matter. I just need to talk to my best friends.

"Cool, cool," Carter says. He's oddly fidgety and his voice is stripped of its usual confidence. "We're going to go to the arcade and maybe chill downtown too. Do you want to all meet for dinner at that Italian place beside the bookstore?"

"Yeah, sure. Does seven work?"

"Yeah, that works. See you later, Jones." And, with that, he gestures for his friends to follow him out the door. Landon nearly crashes into him in an effort to move as far away from Ana as possible. Dimitri lingers, applying a stealthy kiss to Angie's lips before shooting her a wink and following after Carter and Landon.

As soon as the door shuts behind them, Ana flops onto the king bed and burrows under the sheets, complaining that driving makes her tired. Angie lies down beside her, grabbing the television remote and putting on the first channel she lands on. It's some sort of true crime show that I remember watching with Carter for a few minutes before we both deemed it too late for movies when we have important debates the next day. Just looking at my friends lying down on my hotel bed, I'm immediately taken back to us huddling in one bed during the coldest days at Fairridge in an attempt to conserve body heat when our Head of House refused to up the heating anymore. It's only been three days, but these girls are my family and I can't help but feel excitement bubble in my stomach at the prospect of spending a day with them away from the pile of to-dos were usually buried under at Fairridge.

Sometimes I feel guilty for not telling them about Maddie. They know that I have a sister, but I never really talked about my family when we first met and now it just feels too late. How do you tell someone that your seemingly nothing-complicated-about-it home life is actually so complicated that you're drowning in panic and bad dreams. How do I explain that my perfect sister is not even here anymore, and that it's all my fault. I love Angie and Ana, but I can't risk losing them if they ever find out how selfish–how broken–I truly am. You can't deem something as broken if you can't see the pieces coming apart.

I jump onto the bed and nestle in-between Angie and Ana. "So, things are going well with Dimitri, I presume."

Her brown skin flushes pink as she nods slightly. "Yeah, it's going well."

Ana groans. "That is the understatement of the century. It's going fucking perfect. Do you know how many times he's managed to sneak her away to lunch, dinner, and picnic dates. My God, he even snuck her out of the dorm to go stargazing at the edge of campus. They're worse than any book I've ever read."

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