The Opposition

Chapter 27: Sadie

"The scores are in and, while the vote was very close, I think we have a winner. Congratulations to the opposition, Lucas Wilson, for winning this debate."

I swear I hear her wrong, but Lucas's no-so-modest victory dance kills that theory quickly. He's already walking towards the judges to shake their hands before he pivots towards me and grasps my hand in his. His skin is dry against mine, and I let go of his hand as soon as he's shaken my wrist.

I lost.

I fucking lost.

I never considered myself a sore loser. Well, maybe when it comes to Carter. But, right now, I'm feeling like a real loser. Like a fucking embarrassment. Carter was literally hungover and managed to win his debate with me, but I can't even beat this asshole who literally wasted a POI to say my point was "idiotic."

I was so sure we would get through this competition with a seven day win streak and that we'd be accepting metals and certificates on Wednesday. And now, I may have just fucked all of that up. I didn't think I did a bad job. Sure, some of Lucas's untraditional critiques threw me off a bit, but my points were strong, my structure was perfect, and I practically disproved every one of his claims.

What am I going to tell Carter?

The last thing I need is for him to gloat about how much better of a debater he is and how I completely screwed up our chances of winning. Just thinking about it makes my stomach curl. Carter has won all of his debates, we've won all of the partner ones, and now I've contaminated our performance with a loss to someone who takes up three minutes of his time to go on a tangent on how my tone weakens my point.

I stumble out of the office room, dripping in disappointment and guilt. I screwed up. I fucking messed up and ruined everything we've worked for. One loss is fine on any other day, but there's no room for losers at JW Debate. I didn't even shake the judges' hands. Fuck.

I'm supposed to meet Carter in the conference hall, but I can't. I know what the first question he's going to ask will be, and I can't bring to myself to watch as his usual dimpled smile drops when I tell him that I lost, followed by the inevitable slew of "I'm better than you" comments that I just can't take right now.

I take the back hallways to try and find an emergency exit to escape by. I can already feel tears pricking my eyes, but I blink them back and continue to walk past rows of doors and windows. I swear I see Felix coming out of a small grey room, so I disappear behind a sharp corner. His optimism is not needed right now. Shit. I left my jacket in the conference hall. There's no way I can go get it now, so I just pray that nobody takes it before I return tomorrow. Tomorrow. The last full day of debates that I have to get through with Carter. Carter who's going to know that I'm a loser. A fucking loser.

I locate the exit door and push it open, my hair blowing in all directions from the cool wind. The hotel is a short walk away, but with every step I feel my disappointment in myself grow deeper, like a stone plummeting to the bottom of my stomach. I'm not one to wallow in self pity, but I feel myself shrinking into the worst version of myself. One that deserves nothing, and finally got what she deserves.

"You dropped your heart, dear."

I twirl around to see a lady standing behind me. Her blue eyes, a kind type of blue, like gentle waves, are staring straight at me.

"I don't think so, madame." I pat my chest where my heart is, "It's right here."

She smiles, her eyes creasing slightly at the corners. "Not that heart. You never want to drop that one. I meant the white one on the ground."

I stare at the ground. Just as the lady pointed out, there's a white heart made of lined paper on the sidewalk. It must have fallen out of my bag, but I don't remember ever putting it in there. Deciding not to explain that I have no idea what this paper heart is, I just pick it up, mumble "thank you" to the lady, and continue walking down the sidewalk.