Maxine Nelson • heartstopper ff

10. sexuality

Max POV

"Nick! What are you doing here!" I scolded.
"I saw your laptop on. I went to turn it off and then I found this," he said.

I stayed silent and sat on my bed. My body tensed up and I felt like I was about to burst into tears.

"Is this what you've been worried about?" He asked.
"I don't wanna talk about it," I told him.
"Ok, but if you do, just tell me...you deserve it. I offloaded all my problems onto you the other night after all," he told me.

He was about to leave when a tear rolled down my face. It felt warm against my skin.
"Nick," I croaked out. He turned around. "Stay," I said.

He came and sat back down next to me.
"I-I think after B*n, I d-don't know if I could date a guy again. I know that not all guys are like that but...I just I don't know...I feel like I-" I started before tears flew down my eyes like a waterfall.

Nick hugged me tight into his side and I cried into his coat.
"I- I feel like I like girls," I whispered.
"That's ok...I mean I like them too...but also guys. I told Charlie tonight. I'm bisexual," he told me.
"Im proud of you," I said. The sound was muffled by his coat material.
"I- I don't know..I just feel more attracted to girls. I feel no attraction to boys." I told him.
"That's ok, and I support you," he told me.
"Thank you, and I support you as well," I told him.

We hugged for a bit before I was nearly falling asleep. Nick left me to sleep. There was a small orange glow from the lamp on my bedside table the other side of me. I didn't bother to turn it off though. I was too tired for that.

Saturday

The Homosexuals + Max

Hey...I wanted to tell you all this
because...your my friends. And I'm
still trying to figure it out but I think I could be lesbian
~ Max

Omg Max that's amazing!
~ Tara

How did you figure this out?
~ Elle

Oh, well after Nick had been
looking at his sexuality I wanted to know more about mine...I was very scared as a lot of it I seemed to relate to...especially after B*n. I don't know...I'm just scared of what people
are going to think. Also, I still don't know if I like guys
~ Max

Thats ok!! We support you! Don't worry about what the others think.
We will always be there for you. Don't feel like your rushing into it either. If
you know, you know.
~ Tara

Especially if you kiss after 6 times
~ Darcy

FOR THE LAST TIME! IT WAS 2
~ Tara

If you say so
~ Darcy

But please can you not tell anyone,
I'm still not sure
~Max

Of course
~ Tara

Yeah
~ Elle

Of course, your ready when your ready
~ Darcy

I put my phone down and went to have a shower. After I decided to go out for a ride on my bike.

"Oh hey Max!" I heard someone shout as I rode down to the park. It was familiar.

I turned to see where the voice had came from. It was Imogen.
"Hi Imogen, how are you?" I asked her.
"I'm good, how are you?" she asked me.
"Oh I'm good as well," I said.
"I like your bike," she told me.
"Thanks, what brings you to the park?" I asked.
"I mean, it's a nice day...I don't know really," she said.
"Fair enough," I said.

We sat down for a bit and spoke.
"So how's Nick?" She asked me.
"He's good, I think at least," I said and she laughed.
"That's good," she said.

We spoke until Imogen got a call.
"I have to go, my mum is looking for me," she told me.
"Ok, well bye Imogen," I said while waving.
"Bye Max," she said.

God she's so pretty. No Max! You can't think like that. Think about what everyone else will say. Besides, she's straight and had a crush on Nick. She obviously likes boys!

Ughhhhh why was sexuality so confusing!

Sunday

Nick was taking Charlie to the cinema with some of his friends.
"Are you sure that's a good idea? Didn't they all like bully him last year?" I asked Nick.
"Don't worry Max, B*n and Harry won't be there," he assured me.

I helped make food for me and mum. I made pasta bologna.
"Hey, Max...are you ok lately? You always seen on edge?" Mum asked.
"Yeah, I'm fine," I told her. She nodded.

I couldn't tell her. I wasn't even sure yet and I was way to scared of what everyone else will think. But then...she is my mum. But no. No Max! Don't say anything.

I played "the best of Harry Styles' as I cooked.

"Oh hey Max, I'll be back in a bit...I just have to go pick Nick up," She told me.
"Ok," I nodded.

I was too anxious to eat. Everything was swirling up inside me and filled up my appetite. I dished up for mum and Nick. I would pretend to have already ate.

I heard the door open and I put the bowls on the table. I went to go see my mum and Nick and I was greeted with them. Except Nick had been punched in the eye.

"Nick what the hell happened?" I asked shocked.