[𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐄]
𝐑𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐍 𝐉𝐀𝐌𝐄𝐒
30 Months...
Almost three years since my accident. My first game playing pro in the NHL and I blew it. Many people have tried to help me but I'm past giving a fuck now. I just want to be left alone to drink my s...
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When I found out I was pregnant there was only one. That was you, baby 'a'. I had never felt so excited, I was going be a mom.
Then suddenly there was two of you. Lucas popped out shyly to say hello at one scan. Then my excitement turned into terror because how was I going to look after two babies?
I loved you from the beginning. I loved that fluttering feeling I would get when both of your little feet would leave an imprint on my stomach. You would take it in turns to kick, I used to pretend it was your way of playing with each other.
And although I was anxious I was so ready for you both.
When you were born you were already amongst the angels. Sleeping away peacefully with your fingers still clenched into a ball and your feet tucked in.
You are the prettiest angel I have ever seen.
Lucas was only at the beginning of his journey. I thought I was going to lose him too. I couldn't bare the thought.
So even though my heart was completely broken I had to be strong for him. Nearly 3 months passed until I was able to bring him home.
It was bittersweet because the plan was to bring you home as well. You never got to come home.
I couldn't leave him, not even for a moment for I was too scared. He then became unsettled because I wouldn't let him sleep, shaking him awake to make sure he wasn't in a deep sleep.
A deep sleep where you drift off to the angels.
I finally relaxed.
You helped me.
I would play your heartbeat from your green t-Rex teddy. Not only would Lucas drift off to it, so would I.
My little lullaby.
🦖
November 2020
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