The Queen Of Eternity

You are my sun light.

The doctor said that I should be good in a few days.

She talked to Azrael about what happened because I didn't want to know.

All I can think about is that Jake stabbed me. Jake.

My first love, my best friend next to Lucas. He stabbed me.

It's a miracle she's alive, I heard the nurse say.

"Hey..." Azrael says.

"Hi."

I remember holding on to him for dear life just a few hours ago when I woke up for a few my minutes and the doctors were taking me into the ICU.

"Your mother is here."

I look up at him, hoping my eyes ask what I don't have the energy to.

"Outside. She's outside. Should I ask her to come in?"

I shake my head.

Not yet.

I need a few minutes.

I lean my head against the bedpost and I hear Azrael pull out a chair and sit down.

"You want me to stay or go?"

"Stay."

We sit in silence as I press down all the emotions I am feeling.

I need to stop bottling everything up until I explode. Will I? No.

"You can send her in," I say when I have no trace of grief, remorse, sadness, betrayal or any human feeling left.

He nods and walks out.

It takes my mother only a few seconds to enter the room.

She smiles at me and whispers something about how strong I am.

Yeah...no thanks to you.

She sits down where Azrael was sitting and pushes a strand of hair behind my ear.

I melt under her surprisingly motherly touch.

"How do you feel?"

I start to choke up with tears.

Right now, I really wish I was a little girl who could curl up beside her mother and start crying.

"Good."

Lie.

"Are you hungry?"

"No."

Lie again.

"Want me to leave?"

Silence.

"No."

I don't know why I don't want her to go

    Maybe because I am tired, on painkillers or who knows what, but I don't want her to go.

       We sit in silence for a while before she says, "He attempted to kill himself. He's in the local hospital. He'll live. Your father manipulated him against you."

Push down the emotions. You can't deal with them right now.

"Oh."

"I am waiting for a thank you," She says.

I look at her, eyebrows drawn together in confusion.

"You think the doctors saved you? Oh, love, no. I did."

I blink.

Ok.

That's enough for today.

"Thank you."