The Queen Of Eternity

You want battle? I'll give you war.

TW - MENTIONS OF SH

I haven't spoken to anyone in the last hour.

Lucas asked Azrael to sit in the backseat because he was scared I might snap at him.

Ocean's trying to sleep on Luke's shoulder, his arm around her waist. He keeps looking down at her, adjusting himself to make sure she's comfortable.

"What'd you say?" I hear him whisper.

I see Ocean say something in his ear and a smile spreading across his lips. He kisses the side of her head.

My hands itch to touch Azrael but I ignore it.

"Ray, I am sorry," Azrael says.

"Sorry for what?" My tone colder than intended, "It's not your fault I am a stupid bitch who got so excited thinking she finally has mother. I should've known better."

"You're not-"

"Okay, you've got to stop defending me. I fucked up the rebellion, I got kidnapped and got Themis involved, I was the one that let Themis stay here and I was insensitive enough to ask you to tend to the man that killed your family. I was the one who should've stayed here. Lucas should've gone alone. I got Cara, Fleur, Ocean and you involved with me. Two dead and the other two in unspeakable danger."

"Esmeray, that's not-" Lucas begins.

"Shut up," I yell, punching the steering wheel, tears stinging my eyes.

"Essie, stop the car," Ocean says.

I oblige because I feel like I am going to explode.

Every breath I take is shakier than the last.

Azrael crawls up to the front seat, takes off my seatbelt and brings me to him.

I clutch his shirt and let myself break down.

He runs his fingers through my hair as I sob out years and years of bottled up anger, grief and loss.

I got attached to Cara. I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have brought her to the palace. I shouldn't have asked Fleur to help me.

It should've been who got sent to the fatal mission instead of my sister. I should've died instead of Cara's mother. I should've saved Jake.

"I am sorry, I am so sorry," I croak out between sobs, addressing no one and everyone at the same time.

Ocean moves forward, "Every choice you made helped people's lives. If you didn't help me, I would've been with Damon and probably dead from starvation or his antics. I would've never known about my powers. If you didn't save Cara, she'd be dead because of her father who we know works for Kayan now, also because of you. If you didn't help fleur, well, she'd have a painful death at the hands of Themis but at least here she got to die with the glory of a hero. If you didn't help Kayan, we would've never known this was all your mother's doings and would've continued to trust her. Which wasn't your fault, by the way. Yes, maybe some of your choices weren't the best but they played out well in the long run.

"You can't blame yourself for everything, Essie. You're still a person. The only person you need to apologise to, is the girl you see in the mirror. You hurt her too much. You blame her for everything. You bring blades to her as if more pain would cure her pain. You need to let it go. We need you. But we also love you. Yes, you need to go on full war-essie right now. But you have to feel the grief too."

It takes me a minute to process everything she said.

"Ocean's right, love."

I untangle myself from him, looking back at Lucas, his gaze his soft as he smiles.

"We got your back," He says.

I look up at Azrael. "Always and forever, Ray."

I nod, wiping my puffy, red eyes.

I tighten my ponytail, lift my chin up and gulp down rest of the rage. I need to use some of this anger as fuel later.

"Also, can I sit here now? These two look like they could use their space," Azrael says.

"Yes," I say with a single laugh.

Lucas rubs the back of his neck which he only ever does around girls he's head over heels for. But he only girl I've ever seen him do this around is Ocean.

I look at the road in front of me, the palace looks like a dot from here. But I can see the smoke.

"Rebel princess and her three musketeers. Someone should write a books about us," Lucas jokes.

Oceans smacks the back of his head.

"What the hell, Pearl? What was that for?" He says in mock anger, pulling her close to him.

She visibly turns pink and gestures to me.

"Right. Not the time. Sorry."

"It's fine, guys. You can be lovey-dovey and shit. It's not like I am single. Just don't fuck in the back of my car and get c-"

"OKAY! that's enough out of you, Essie. Shut up and drive."

"That's no way to speak to your queen, Duke."

He smirks the way he always does when I mention the word Duke.

If I am going to be queen, I want him right by my side, ruling with me.

I start the car, speeding down the forest-y road. Adrenaline has already started to pump in my veins.

I will avenge you, Cara. Fleur. Sammie. Every dead rebellion warrior.

No one's death will go to waste.

I have a witch's blood in my veins and I won't rest till I have that witch's blood on my sword.