Part-Time » Zarry ✅

13: Milk and Cereal

Offering to give space is one thing. But having to actually do it under these circumstances feels ever so wrong. That's why instead of leaving Harry alone under the covers, Zayn stays in bed and sits quietly. He'd expected Harry to come up after a while. But no, the shame is too much and he stays where he is.

It's not until an hour later when Zayn hears quiet snoring that he realizes Harry actually fell asleep under there. He didn't appear to be tired before. But that's the thing about anxiety, it comes when it wants and the side effects follow suit.

After Zayn gets cleaned up, he decides it would be good to start dinner. That way when Harry wakes up in an hour or two, he'll have something to eat. But by the time the sun sets, Harry is still fast asleep underneath the covers. Clearly the emotional distress he suffered in the short amount of time from the moment he first heard the rumor about Zayn up until his failed erection was too overwhelming for him. So he decides to let Harry sleep and eats dinner alone.

Harry never said he wanted to stay. But it's a good thing today is Friday and he has nowhere else to be tomorrow. Now he can be left to rest and recuperate in peace. Because right now, it's well needed.

Boredom puts Zayn to sleep earlier than usual. But worry is what allows him to sleep light. Therefore sometime in the middle of the night he wakes up to the sounds of sniffling. He turns to Harry and sees his silhouette. He's sitting up on the side of the bed with his back to him.

"Harry." He calls softly.

"What?"

"Are you alright? Well... I know you're not alright if you're crying. But can I do anything for you?"

He shakes his head.

"Okay." Zayn says sadly. But he doesn't want to go back to sleep and leave him like this.

"Earlier when we were... and just before we stopped, I asked if something was wrong. I want you to know I didn't mean it in a bad way. But if you understood it that way, I'm sorry. There's nothing wrong with you."

"Stop." Harry says in frustration.

"What?"

"Stop apologizing. I can't stand it. It's like a pity party and I don't want that anymore."

"I'm sor- okay. I just want to know what's on your mind. I'm worried about you."

Harry sniffles and Zayn reaches to turn on the lamp.

"Harry please turn to me. I need to see you. I haven't seen you since it happened."

It takes a moment. But finally, Harry turns in bed. His eyes are bloodshot. Harry must have been crying for a while before Zayn heard him and woke up.

"I can't do it." He says.

"Can't do what?"

"I can't do what Yaser said. I can't own it. Not this."

"Own what?"

"What's wrong with me. I can't own it. I know he told me it takes time but it's too hard right now. And whenever that happens to me..." He closes his eyes. "It just brings up all these bad memories and I hate it."

"Do you want to talk about it then?"

"No. I've never talked about it with anyone."

"Never?"

"Never."

"Well... I know therapists who will tell you it's not good to keep traumatic memories to yourself. That it's best to confront them so that you can get it off your chest."

"Those are therapists. You're not a therapist."

"True. I'm not. But I am someone you can talk to. And I am a willing listener. That's exactly what a therapist would do for you. Except you don't have to pay me."