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Ever since I shared my middl...
The following is an actual letter to the author. Identifying information has been removed.
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Dear Meghan,
Just over 2 years ago, at the height of the pandemic, I met a man who I got along extremely well with. We talked for a while and a few weeks later, when restrictions were eased slightly, we met on a date. After another couple of dates we made things official. One night after a few drinks, he brought up his "body count," he'd slept with 3 girls, bearing in mind one of these was an almost 10 year relationship. I thought nothing of it but when he asked mine, my reply of "10" was met with discomfort. He demanded my phone, and looking through texts from past partners became furious. He said it was lucky I slept with him on the first date, or he'd think there was something wrong with him. If I said no to sex, he asked why I was saying no to him when I didn't say no to others. I felt trapped and obligated to have sex whenever he wanted, because he made me feel like that was who I was as a person. I should have left but due to his mental health issues I stayed, promising myself it'd get better and it was just a phase. Even after 2 years of a relationship when I thought it was all over, he still calls me those names in an argument and has gotten physically violent with me on one occasion. I'm not as happy as I used to be and I dread sex now, even to the point of having a panic attack before having sex at one stage. He makes me feel so dirty and unwanted for having sexual encounters in the past that now I get that same feeling every time it is suggested.
Sincerely, My Boyfriend Calls Me Names
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Dear MBCMN
First of all, let's all agree to never again use "body count" in reference to sexual partners. It's a term reminiscent of homicide. It doesn't surprise me that your boyfriend uses it, though, given the way he treats you.
Your letter doesn't include a direct question, but let me answer it for you, anyway: Yes, you should leave him. End this relationship, the sooner the better. Two years is already way too long for you to have wasted with someone who treats you this way. The violent incident should remove any lingering doubt. If you need help figuring out how to end things, call 800-799-7233.
To be clear, it's not your fault for staying with him as long as you have. Especially since you mention his mental health issues, it makes sense that you feel obligated to help him. It can be seductive to stick around and help someone feel better about themselves, no matter how they make us feel about ourselves. You love him. You're invested. But you only have one life. Don't spend it with someone who puts you down.
And the next time you go on a first date, or a second date, pay attention to those red flags. Listen to your gut. Anyone who shames you doesn't deserve to have sex with you, even one time.
In solidarity,
Meghan
Disclaimer: This advice column is for informational and entertainment purposes only. I'm not a licensed mental health professional and the advice provided is not intended to replace professional advice. Neither I nor Wattpad bears responsibility for any outcomes resulting from the advice given.
