How to Cope with Anything

Are these breasts my only destiny?

The following is an actual letter to the author. Identifying information has been removed.

Dear Meghan,

When I developed curves, I was proud to be becoming a woman. However, now that I'm 15 and with G-cup breasts, I'm starting to think that all I'm destined for is sexual harassment from peers and older men, as well as occasional sexual assault. As soon as I moved to my current school this year, people started questioning my virginity and spread rumors to students and teachers. They spread these rumors before they even got to know me. Everyone believes it. Why wouldn't they? Even my classmates and friends treat me as if I'm easy. I was cast as the "mistress" role in our school performance. I wish sometimes that I had never developed physically the way I did. Maybe I wouldn't hate myself. Am I only destined to be sexualized?

From,
Are These Breasts My Only Destiny?

Dear ATBMOD,

I'm so sorry you feel like hating yourself right now. Your breasts are not your defining characteristic, nor are they your only destiny. As you've already learned from experience, though, people tend to notice breasts. Especially large breasts. This aspect of human nature is not likely to change anytime soon, and to be fair, plenty of large-breasted women enjoy the attention their endowment attracts. Most of the time, though, women just want to go about our days and not be bothered by someone else's gaze, regardless of our breast size. And that's hard to do when people won't get their noses out of your cleavage.

The good news is that, as the owner of much-larger-than-average breasts, you have choices. Nowadays reduction surgery is quite common, so look into whether it's the best option for you at this age. You might decide to reduce the size of your breasts later, but if they are causing you any physical pain, there's usually no need to delay the surgery.

If your breasts only make you uncomfortable because of how other people tend to react to them, though, then your choice is about how to handle the inevitable attention. As with any other body part that stands out for its size or shape, you'll have to cope with the effect your breasts have on other people. Work on building your emotional immunity to their lack of boundaries, and eventually, the rude stares will have no power over you. Inappropriate comments are another story, though; it's not your responsibility to cope with verbal harassment. You might even enroll in a self-defense class, so you feel empowered to defend yourself if it escalates to physical harassment.

You mentioned that you were cast as the mistress character in your school performance, which implies there is at least one teacher at your new school who is participating in sexually harassing you. Talk to a guidance counselor and find out your options for reporting any staff or administrators who have been harassing you. You do not need to play that role on stage if it makes you uncomfortable. On the other hand, you could choose to ham it up and steal the entire show from the leads with your delivery (and I'm speaking as someone who did just that when they cast me as Lily St. Regis in my middle school's production of Annie).

Whatever you choose, I hope you will come to love your breasts. Surrounding yourself with friends and mentors who don't sexualize you will make that easy, once you're done at this school. Until then, remember that no one else can define you. Those breasts are part of your body, no more and no less. They are not your destiny.

In solidarity,
Meghan

Disclaimer: This advice column is for informational and entertainment purposes only. I'm not a licensed mental health professional and the advice provided is not intended to replace professional advice. Neither I nor Wattpad bears responsibility for any outcomes resulting from the advice given.