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Ever since I shared my middl...
The following is an actual letter to the author. It contains references to rape and suicidal ideation. Identifying information has been removed.
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Dear Meghan,
I am 55. When I was a freshman in college, I delved into acting and modeling. I was introduced to a man that worked in the film industry. His wife was also in the industry. I would meet them at their house and work on acting skills. In the beginning, they both were so accommodating. Then he started complaining about his wife to me. He would say in Hollywood everyone sleeps with everyone, and that his wife was no different. He'd complain that when she was in LA, she'd meet with her boyfriends. He'd treat me to expensive meals, set me up with photographers and voice coaches, all while telling me I was beautiful. On my 19th birthday, he got me drunk and sexually assaulted me. (He did this to another friend of mine. I had no idea. She never recovered and became a drug addict.) This man was exposed eventually, and he had to tell his wife. She would call me up and tell me I was a "whore" and a "slut." I was devastated. I became suicidal. Thinking, how could I have let this happen? He was 42, I was 19. I have kept this shame with me a lifetime. I could never get the word "slut" out of my head. I just recently decided to open up with my husband about the assault and rape. How do I tell him?
Sincerely,
How Do I Tell My Husband?
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Dear HDITMH,
I'm so sorry about what happened to you, and that you've carried it with you for these past thirty-five years. And I'm grateful that you're still here with us. Please take this response as permission to lay down your shame and to never look back at it. That shame is not yours. It belongs to the man who assaulted you and to his wife for harassing you. I think you've come to understand that, and that's why you feel ready to share this part of your history with your husband.
It can be incredibly difficult to speak about sexual trauma, no matter how much time has passed. But for many of us, it's also the only way to heal. Share this information with your husband in a way that feels safe, so that he's able to hear you and support you. I suggest using a movie or TV show you're watching together as a way to gauge his comfort level with the topic. It could cover ground as similar to what you went through as in the film She Said (2022), or even certain episodes of Grey's Anatomy or Bojack Horseman could open the conversation. With your husband, watch a character coping with something similar to your own experience, and then say, "You know, something like that happened to me when I was in college." Your husband will already be in the mindset to empathize instead of judge, and he'll have some context for why you've waited to tell him.
He might be shocked or angry. If his initial reaction isn't what you'd hoped, don't let it discourage you. Being your husband means accepting and caring for all of you, especially the most vulnerable parts. If he's open to it, you might find it helpful to attend counseling together. Once you've gotten this dark chapter of your past out in the open between you, your relationship will grow in all kinds of beautiful new ways.
In solidarity,
Meghan
Disclaimer: This advice column is for informational and entertainment purposes only. I'm not a licensed mental health professional and the advice provided is not intended to replace professional advice. Neither I nor Wattpad bears responsibility for any outcomes resulting from the advice given.
