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Ever since I shared my middl...
The following is an actual letter to the author. It includes references to sexual abuse. Identifying information has been removed.
Dear Meghan,
I was sexually molested by my father from infancy to 12 years of age. I was so confused, and I had nowhere to turn or anyone to talk to. After years of counseling, medications to stabilize me, and estrangement from my family of origin, I began to find my voice. I began to see why I was silenced and how much I blocked out. It has been one hell of a long road back to me. I love the 54-year-old woman I am today and stand proud in my journey and all the work I have done, knowing who I am, full of confidence, wisdom and strength. But except for my husband, my family (aunts, uncles, siblings, parents, and cousins) have chosen to deny that my dad and mom would ever do such a thing. How can I get over the grief of losing my family?
Sincerely,
Why Does My Family Believe My Abuser?
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Dear WDMFBMA,
I'm so sorry for what you went through as a child. You deserved parents who would protect you. Your father betrayed you in the worst possible way, and it sounds as if your mother facilitated his abuse. For many survivors of incest, it can feel impossible to find their voice as adults, but that's exactly what you've done. I'm glad to read that you're proud of yourself and all the work you've completed in therapy. You should be. Surviving incest and getting to the point where you feel proud of your journey is a huge accomplishment.
It would be awesome if your family supported you in this accomplishment. Unfortunately, they haven't done any of the work you've done, so their perspective hasn't shifted. When you describe the horrors of your childhood to a member of your family, you're revealing a part of their own life about which they'd rather remain in denial. Your father molested you for twelve years right under their noses, and some of them likely had an inkling about what was going on at the time. Rather than accepting the truth, that their brother/cousin/uncle is a child molester and they were enablers for over a decade, they find it easier to dismiss you as a liar.
Despite your family and their shortcomings, you've managed to grow into a confident, strong woman. Don't waste another day wondering about what you might have done differently to somehow win the respect of abusers and abuse enablers. Focus on spending time with your husband and friends who build you up: they're your new, chosen family. You might even choose to re-estrange yourself from any family members who deny what your father did to you. It wasn't your fault then, and the consequences of his behavior aren't your fault now.
In solidarity,
Meghan
Disclaimer: This advice column is for informational and entertainment purposes only. I'm not a licensed mental health professional and the advice provided is not intended to replace professional advice. Neither I nor Wattpad bears responsibility for any outcomes resulting from the advice given.
