How to Cope with Anything

Will I be alone forever?

The following is an actual letter to the author. It includes references to suicidal ideation. Identifying information has been removed.

Dear Meghan,

Ever since I first experienced my first crush in 6th grade, it's been ugly for me. What was supposed to be a sweet, silly and innocent experience turned into active slut-shaming at school due to rumors (I liked my friend, but I never even expressed it to him). I've liked 3 other guys since then, I've never dated anyone, and all those also ended up in me getting bullied.

I was suicidal earlier because of this and other issues at home. COVID made it worse. I also got PCOD (polycystic ovarian disease) and my weight fluctuates a lot. I love myself but I would like to go back to my naturally fit body shape again.

I'm 17 now, and I'm about to step out into the world and go to college. On the whole, I've really worked on myself and my problems and am so much happier and more positive. However, liking someone scares me now. I despise this ugly, cheap feeling I get whenever I experience romantic sentiment of any kind. It makes me so anxious that I find myself believing a life spent alone with my books and music and funny little thoughts would be the best for me. Please help me out.

Sincerely yours,

Will I Be Alone Forever?

Dear WIBAF,

I want to start by reassuring you that you won't be alone forever. It's impossible! The closest anyone comes to being alone forever are those who consistently neglect or destroy every kind of relationship, either because of addiction or a personality disorder. The vast majority of single people (even those who would prefer to be in a relationship) have plenty of family, friends, acquaintances, and colleagues in their lives who bring them joy and keep them busy. So let's not discount a life spent alone with "books, music, and funny little thoughts." For some folks, that sounds like heaven in its purest form!

With that said, it's clearly not the life you'd choose. So let's confront that "ugly cheap feeling" you say pervades your romantic thoughts. With your history, it makes perfect sense that romantic feelings scare you. They scare most people, even those whose dating experiences didn't start off with "slut" shaming. You haven't even had a dating experience yet, and you've already been harassed simply for having a crush.

But as long as you remain scared of your own sexuality, the bullies win. When you monitor your romantic thoughts, judging and belittling yourself, you're doing the bullies' work for them. So if you hear the bullies' voices in your head, or your own voice repeating their words, practice speaking up for yourself. Mentally tell those voices to shut up and leave you alone. Remind yourself out loud that those were the voices of repressed, lonely, misguided little people who never had any power over when, why, how, or with whom you fall in love.

If you haven't already, I encourage you to find a therapist you can confide in regularly, to keep tabs on your mental health. Transitioning to college is a perfect time to reinvent yourself, but a new setting with new social opportunities can also exacerbate insecurities.

As you start spending time one-on-one with potential romantic interests, give yourself some grace. Keep in mind that any new feeling is tough to confront the first few times around, especially a feeling as enormous and complicated as romantic love. It takes practice. And once you shake off that shame, the practice will be the best part.

In solidarity,

Meghan

Disclaimer: This advice column is for informational and entertainment purposes only. I'm not a licensed mental health professional and the advice provided is not intended to replace professional advice. Neither I nor Wattpad bears responsibility for any outcomes resulting from the advice given.