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Ever since I shared my middl...
The following is an actual letter to the author. Identifying information has been removed.
Dear Meghan,
I am 15, and these guys I barely know have been calling me names. They think that I'm a bitch but I have never even talked to them. I've never even been kissed, but because I'm tall and skirts are short on me, they call me a whore. One of them started to follow me around outside of school, and when I reported him and asked to switch classes, the teachers told me I was overreacting and trying to ruin his life. I've told a few people about this, and they all tell me it's because I dress "slutty" and that I should change that, but honestly, I like the way I dress and it makes me feel confident. I tried to dress more conservative this week, and I still heard some hurtful things. I just don't know what to do.
Sincerely,
Do I Dress Too Slutty?
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Dear DIDTS,
The answer to your question is no, you do not dress "too slutty." There's no such thing, since the Scale of Sluttiness varies widely from person to person, minute to minute. Please don't adjust your fashion choices to appease this random group of male classmates. As you've already discovered, it wouldn't work anyway. They've targeted you as a misguided way to cope with their own confusion, shame, and other sexual baggage. Don't carry it for them.
When one of these guys makes a disparaging comment about your clothes, it means absolutely nothing about your inherent worth and everything about his. Instead of calling you "whore," he might as well be announcing, "I'm an immature and sexist little brat with no social skills!" Let yourself absorb that message instead of the one he's hoping you'll hear. His behavior is far, far beneath you, and your reaction should reflect that. A shrug, a small shake of the head, or perhaps a sympathetic smile that communicates pity, if you feel like it. Practice your reactions in the mirror until they seem natural. Soon, they'll feel natural, and they'll be a lot easier to deliver in the moment.
With that said, there's only so much you can be expected to do to protect yourself, at this age. The way your teachers reacted is disgusting and wrong. Unfortunately, it's also very common. Most adults were socialized to question girls and women who report sexual harassment, in part because we often see it in the media. Taking on the role of educator, though, implies a sense of responsibility these folks have not shown you.
Most concerning is the guy who "started to follow you around outside of school." That behavior is called stalking. Since the teachers you reported it to have proven themselves unhelpful, take it to school administration. A sympathetic guidance counselor can help you prepare for this meeting. If your report is still dismissed, make it clear that you know your rights. An organization like Stop Sexual Assault in Schools (SSAIS) can be incredibly helpful for compiling resources and practicing your talking points. You are entitled, by law, to a safe learning space.
In solidarity,
Meghan
Disclaimer: This advice column is for informational and entertainment purposes only. I'm not a licensed mental health professional and the advice provided is not intended to replace professional advice. Neither I nor Wattpad bears responsibility for any outcomes resulting from the advice given.
