Just A Thought

18

Today is the day we are going home. I'm happy about it because I won't have to make excuses why I didn't swim and I just want to get away from this place as soon as possible. I want to leave the bad memories behind.

It has been a few days since Zach asked me to be his girlfriend and I really really really like him. He's probably the best person I've ever met and he makes me feel special. Though I have him now, I'm still not feeling alright. I can't forget their touch and voice. I secretly take sleeping pills before I go to sleep or take a nap, otherwise I wouldn't be able to. And I sometimes take painkillers through the day to prevent panic attacks even though they don't always help.

Yup, I only have half of the pills Ryan gave me. I have no idea how am I already running out because I honestly don't remember taking that much.

I'm packing my stuff right now. There's not much, so it doesn't take long. I've been sleeping in Zach's bed and I just come into my room to shower and change and you know what.

I want to stop but I can't. I want to stop for Zach. He's treating me like a goddess but I can't prevent myself from doing it. Am I selfish? Am I an attention seeker? Am I even worth anything?

As I'm done I make sure I don't forget the pills and other things I need. And then I go out of my room. Zach joins me and takes my bag.

"I can do it myself."

"I know, but I want to do it for you." Yeah, he's been a gentleman the whole week.

I look at my room for the last time and hope I'll never have to come here again.

I sigh and go after him. I don't feel well. I feel like gravity is too strong today.

We make it to the car and Zach loads the luggage in.

Madelin approaches me from behind and hugs me. "Heyy! You want to go with us?"

I look at Zach and he reassuringly smiles at me.

"Sure," I'm actually really excited to drive with girls since I spent most of the time with Zach.

I hug my boy and my brother and then we go in. Mers is driving and I'm in the back with Madelin.

"Girl, we almost didn't see you for the past week." Ayna says from the passenger seat.

"She was too busy doing you know what with Zach." Madelin laughs.

This reminds me of Cade and his friend. I still don't know what his name is.

"Ughh I'm too gay for that." Mers looks at me with fake disgust.

I put on a smile but my hands are shaking. It looks like they're waiting for me to say something. "Yeah we didn't do that. We aren't like you and Ayna who can't help themselves and do it in public." I roll my eyes and laugh.

Mers smirks and Ayna blushes.

"What were you doing if not that?" Madelin asks me and I shrug with my shoulders.

I look out the window and ignore the conversation they're having. I even drift off for a bit but not much.

"Can't blame you. You have to live with Cade." His name brings me back into present but I keep my eyes closed.

"Yeah and those motherfuckers are there 24/7. I literally can't even rest because I have to look at their stupid faces and listen to their disgusting voices."

"For real. I have no idea how could Zach hang out with them a few years ago. I actually don't even know why they stopped, I just noticed that they despise each other now."

ZACHARY

I think I'm falling in love with Valeri again. She's so precious and caring. I fell in love with her years ago and I think I haven't stopped ever since. We lost so much time with those three years we were apart. My family adopted me when I was a baby and they loved me as if I was truly theirs. And then when I was fifteen we moved away. My parents work around the world so they aren't at home much. I sometimes see them every few months so I just stay at Alex's house. The whole time I was away I was worrying about Valeri. I wasn't even sure she was alive until one day when Alex told me he has a twin sister named Valeri. He told me from where she is and what happened and I immediately knew.