Ten years after I began at Hogwarts, Sebastian Sallow is back. And he's Professor Sallow now. He disappeared after the fall of Ranrok and Rookwood, after I lost Professor Fig, and after Ominis and I couldn't keep him from losing himself. But I never...
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Professor Sharp,
I hope you'll forgive me for writing instead of speaking with you. Only, I know you won't agree with my decision and I couldn't have you trying to stop me. I am resolved.
All of my efforts this year have been completely in vain. All of my plans have gone awry. After everything, my sister refuses to see me. Ominous won't speak to me. I'm certain April maintains the facade of our friendship out of sheer pity. You should have seen the way she looked at me in the catacomb. How they all did.
I hate myself for what I've done. It's no wonder they do, too.
We both know I am not well, Professor. There are influences here that push me into places of myself that frighten me. Even with your support, I believe I will not be able to improve at Hogwarts, surrounded by the shameful ghosts of my consequences.
Amidst my research for a cure for Anne I read tales of interesting traditions that call to me. Did you know there are muggles who cannot practice magic, yet they are able to wield some forms of it through their own discipline? I am going to learn from them. A friend of Professor Kogawa's from Mahoutokoro has helped me find placement at a muggle school. By the time you read this, I'll have left for Japan.
You'll see I've enclosed my wand. I would ask that you keep it safe for me. I will not subject anyone else to the ruin of my magic again. If I ever feel confident enough to control myself, perhaps someday I will retrieve it from you.
Thank you for your patience and mercy, and for allowing me the opportunity to open my eyes. I know I do not want to become any more of the kind of man who belongs at Azkaban. Forgive me for saying so, but I hope to someday become like the kind of man you are.
Forever in your debt,
Sebastian Sallow May, 1891
P.S. Please look after Anne and Ominis. And April. Please don't tell them where I've gone. A clean break will be best so I can't hurt them anymore. Thank you.
—----------------------------
"He gave up magic?" is all I can stammer, my voice calm, my emotions numb.
Sharp nods and watches me closely, in silence, as I bury my face in my hands and lap to process. The tears have stopped streaming down my face but my mind is spinning so fast that I fear I might ever be able to lift my head or think clearly again.
I always had a sense of the fractious violence within him but he never let me see it beyond a few seldom outbursts. I never knew his rage – or was it his love, or maybe his grief – was like an independent source of such desperate power. Then to see him so defenseless – that vulnerable, sad and broken boy – that piece of him that I could recognize just behind his eyes but he kept under strict lock-and-key. That was the piece of him I was always trying to break open.
