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"You really gon' make me sit in the back, nigga?" Ray asked, leaning into the driver's side window. Fuckshit rolled his eyes, obviously annoyed. "Yes, nigga! Now get in the fucking back and come on!"
Ane laughed at the whole conversation as she sat in Fuckshit's passenger seat with her feet on the dashboard. She had some random jeans and a top she found in her drawers thrown on a little quickly, along with a zip-up jacket.
Ray muttered a curse word, probably towards Fuckshit, under his breath before hopping into the back and sitting right in the middle of the seats. Fuckshit, not caring if he was buckled in, sped off causing Ray to jerk forward.
"Fuck you! First, you make me sit in the back like some bitch and then you try to kill my ass, you must be outta your fuckin' mind," Ray yelled over the loud thumping rap music Fuckshit had been playing the whole time.
"What? I was supposed to make Ane sit in the back like a side chick or some shit? Fuck no, nigga," Fuckshit laughed before turning the music up even higher to drown out whatever Ray was saying in reply.
His words struck a chord with her though. She was apparently important enough to sit in the front seat, even more so than his best friend. So what was she exactly? What were they?
Fuckshit and Ray spend the whole car ride just talking about random stuff. Mostly skateboarding, but other topics are thrown in here and there. Ane is an active participant in the parts of the conversation she can understand, which makes her grateful to have friends like them.
"Fuck, shit! I told that hoe if he wanted smoke he could have it, shit. What was he boutta do? Nothin!" Fuckshit bragged as he recounted a time when he almost fought some random guy at a skatepark a week ago, Ray laughed and agreed with him.
Eventually, they pull up to the house where the party is at. Ane doesn't really recognize anyone, but everyone recognizes them. Well, Fuckshit's car, at least.
They get out of the car and immediately the half-drunk teenagers on the lawn come up to Fuckshit and Ray, dapping them up. "What's up, nigga!" One of them yells. Ane could already smell the party from outside and started to get a bad feeling.
They finally make it inside and she doesn't recognize it at all. She recognizes Estee and a few of her friends there, but no sign of Naomi or anyone else she knew personally. She sighed, knowing she'd have to stick with Fuckshit and Ray the whole night.
The party was mostly focused in the kitchen area, around the dining table. People were scattered around, drinking, smoking, or just talking and having fun. Ray had gone off with some other guys in the party to the front, probably to just hang out.
She and Fuckshit were tucked away into one of the farther corners of the kitchen, just talking. They both were just sipping on some alcohol, Ane decided to try something new.
She didn't understand why people liked alcohol so much, especially when it tasted more like hand sanitizer, but she began to feel a little bit of warmth spread through her body as she progressed further into her drink. Maybe it wasn't so bad after all.
"At the end of this all, I just want to be happy, you feel me? I just wanna look back on my life and be like, fuck, I enjoyed that shit," Fuckshit said, running his hand through his hair as he made eye contact with the girl next to him.
"No, I get it. Me too, I think. I think I just want to be happy," she agreed, looking away from him and into her cup, which suddenly became very interesting.
Sure, Fuckshit wasn't what her parents had wanted for her. He didn't try very hard, smoked, drank until he couldn't walk, snuck out, and probably had broken more hearts than anyone else in the room.
But he was free. And sometimes he could be really philosophical. People would look at him like he was crazy, like he didn't know what he was doing with his life, but his goals were just different from others.
He was just different. Intelligent and deep in his own fucked up way.
"You just want to be happy, but you're not," he said, looking away from her and into his own drink. She didn't respond, couldn't respond.
"I envy you, Fuckshit. I really do," she looked back up at him, newfound courage deep within her. "Like, not in a lame way. But in a like, I think you do what a lot of people wish they could, way. I'm being dumb, though."
"Nah, you aren't. I think you're the shit. All that geeky stuff. Don't tell anybody, but, sometimes I wish I could start over, go through life the way my parents want me to and shit. Fuck the drugs. Fuck the drinking, the parties, the bitches," he starts.
"Sometimes I wish I never started any of this shit at all. Because then I wouldn't have realized that life wasn't for me; shit wouldn't be so fucking complicated all the time. But I like the life I live, it makes me happy. Wouldn't trade this shit for the world," he finished, smiling gently at her.
"Yea. Sometimes I wish that I wouldn't live the life my parents wanted for me, that I could be just a little bit freer," she added, noticing the mood had gone in a direction that pulled at her heartstrings a bit too much.
"Good thing you met me, one step closer to your wish," she joked, hoping to lighten the mood. He laughed a little bit, but the seriousness never left his face. "More than a good thing, Ane. Way more than a good thing," he said quietly, so quiet that she almost couldn't hear him.
Almost.
Just as she was about to ask him to explain, he was whisked away by some random and she was left standing in the kitchen alone. He looked almost too happy to be taken from her, but at the same time, like his feet wouldn't move in the direction he was being carried in.
She downed the rest of her drink, feeling the burn in the back of her throat and hoping being drunk was just as distracting as everyone said it was.
kind of a short chapter i know!!! but if i included all of what was intended to be in this chapter it would be way too long lmao. so im splitting this chapter (and probably the other ones) into 2 or more parts for the sake of progression and to not overwhelm you?? idk, i get overwhelmed when too much happens in a chapter lmao my brain cant handle it. but i hoped you enjoyed this little conversation between fuckshit and ane :)))) i wanted to develop their relationship a little bit more bcs its gonna be important for what happens in the next part kinda. vote and comment or im coming for your firstborn child!!!!!
update 5/24/23 hey guyssss!! i know its been a while 😭 i swear im gonna update and finish this book bcs i have EVERYTHING planned out and i refuse to forget abt my man lmaooo!! but anyways thank you so much for the kind words and still reading this book even though it's been a month lol!! bis später!
