Loving Alek came easily. Being indifferent to him was the hard part.
If I wanted any chance of surviving this breakup, I needed to get my acting skills up to par though because something tells me that his walking out the door to go to her is only t...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
How does someone make up for being a complete fucking dickhead and leaving his woman at home alone when she was feeling vulnerable? Flowers? Chocolate? Me on my knees pleading with her for forgiveness?
I have no fucking clue what the hell I'm doing. It's just another reason I've steered clear of relationships. All I know is that Hayvin is fucking pissed because she's not been answering my calls or any of my text messages and that's not like her. It means I fucked up big and the only thing I've been trying to do all day is get the hell home to her so I can fix it.
David tossed me the keys this morning and told me to get home to Hayvin when I lost my shit after realizing she fucking blocked me. Told me he'd have Jerica drop him off to pick up his truck on the way through and they'll drop her shit at a storage. I honestly don't give a fuck what they do with it, to be honest. Hell, toss it to the side of the road for all the shits I give. Her fucking stuff is the last thing I'm going to be worrying about when I get home.
As tired as I am, it would probably be smart to pull off somewhere and take a nap since I've had little sleep since I left, but there's no way that's happening until I'm home to Hayvin.
How did I let us get here? How did it get to where Hayvin is questioning where she belongs in my life? I've never made her feel that way. At least, not that I can recall and I've done fucking nothing but obsess over her words since she said them. They constantly play on repeat in my head along with David's as I try to decipher the meaning behind it all. I know they both think that I've got some sort of fucking feelings for Jerica, but they're fucking wrong. That shit sailed a long time ago. Wasn't even there to begin with. Not really. She was just unattainable. The forbidden fruit.
My mind once again travels back to the weekend before I went on the first date with Charlie. Way back before her and Keaton were able to overcome his infidelity. I went to a business conference with David and Jerica. Char was pushing me to find out what I felt for Jerica because she was obviously picking up on something, so just to be sure so I didn't play my best friend for a fool, I made a promise to us both that I would if Jerica was free. I don't know if it was luck or what, but that was a weekend that Jer and Reggie were on one of their 'breaks' for something or another. I knew that if I was going to do anything, this was going to be the weekend to do it. So, I flirted with her a little to see how receptive she was going to be to it. Surprisingly, she was, but what also shocked me is how lukewarm the chemistry was between us. But, because I was determined to put the shit to rest once and for all, and because there was a part of me that thought maybe I cared for her in a way that went beyond friendship, I brought it up to her on our last night there. Basically, I told her in this sort of monotone voice that I'd been wanting her for a while, that I cared about her, that maybe we could explore something between us. Looking back, my voice was empty because I honestly wasn't feeling it. I just felt that it was something I had to go through with because Charlie swore up and down I was having feelings for Jerica. Jer was stunned when I laid it out, but she gave me this fucking 'poor schmuck' smile which pissed me off, hugged me, and told me she was flattered, but she was in love with Reggie and I was just like a brother to her. Relief was the main thing I felt. There was some rejection in there too because, fuck, who the hell enjoys being turned away?
