Loving Alek came easily. Being indifferent to him was the hard part.
If I wanted any chance of surviving this breakup, I needed to get my acting skills up to par though because something tells me that his walking out the door to go to her is only t...
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Hayvin's words from a couple of days ago continue to linger in my mind throughout the day.
It was clear from her tone that she meant it was over between us for good, her voice carrying a sense of finality as she told me I wasn't her choice anymore.
I was pleased when she and Everleigh entered Grinders, because it gave me the chance to talk to her—something I hadn't gotten to do since the day I left to go help David and Jerica.
But once again, I was a dumb motherfucker and fucked up before even opening my mouth. I wasn't fucking thinking when David asked me if I wanted to grab a bite to eat with him and Jerica. Just like I wasn't fucking thinking when I took a seat in the booth next to her instead of pulling up a chair because I knew David wouldn't be sharing his side.
Jerica is just a friend, so there was no significance to eating together other than being with two of my best friends.
At least, there was no significance to me.
Only too late did I realize it meant all kinds of shit to Vin. The depth of her emotions became clear to me as she spoke in a voice so lifeless that it left me feeling the same way.
When she said we're all together now—meaning me and Jerica—and that's all we ever cared about, I hated myself a little.
Actually. Fuck that. My self-loathing started when she flinched from my touch as if it caused her physical pain.
Never in the years we were together did she ever react like that. Witnessing it from her then...it shredded my heart to pieces and filled my chest cavity with blood, the weight of it making it hard to breathe.
Finding her gone and the last three years of our lives erased made me realize the damage I had caused us. It wasn't until I saw her shutdown at Grinders that I understood the consequences weren't limited to our relationship. I damaged her too.
My obsession to find her and fix our relationship was driving me and everyone around me insane. I showed up at Everleigh's but never got an answer. They were—or at least Everleigh was—watching me plead through the Ring camera because I could feel someone's eyes on me, but I was past the point of giving a fuck.
Let them watch me beg, hell, record a goddamn video and plaster it for the fucking world to see for all the fucks I give. As long as it gets me information about my woman, I didn't give a shit who saw me on my knees.
It wasn't until the next morning after Grinders that it finally fucking hit me where Hayvin was staying at. Honestly, I wish somebody had given me a wake-up call since obviously her house should have been the first location that entered my mind once she left our place.
In my defense—no. Nope. There is no motherfucking defense. I should have realized it straight away.
