Untamed (A mafia story)

Chapter 54

Dimitri

That kiss
That one kiss, was all it took and now I don't even know how to feel or what to feel.
I've been thinking about the kiss ever since that night.

I can't stop thinking about it
I can't stop thinking about her
It was bad before but now it's worse
Before I could smoke thoughts of her out of my mind, or if I thought about Ivan and her together, it helped, but now smoking doesn't even do it, and neither does thoughts about her and Ivan.

Every fucking time, I find myself imagining her lips on mine, the softness of it, the tenderness in the kiss, the way she felt in my arms

She shouldn't have kissed me
More importantly, I shouldn't have kissed her back.
Because now, now I'm confused, I'm terrified.
I can't like Cora, not like that

It's bad
Very bad

But now I have a bigger problem
She's proding
She's asking questions
Questions about Vera

I tensed when she mentioned his name
I looked up at her, she wasn't looking at me.
She's nervous

"Don't" I muttered out looking back at my computer

"Don't what"? She asked

"Don't talk about her, or him" I tell her trying to control my beating heart, I've never really talked about it with anyone
Not even Ivan
Not since it happened

"Why"? She whispered

"Just don't" I say before shutting my laptop and getting up, I don't want to get pissed off, especially not at her but I will if she keeps pushing it.

I walk past her and out of the kitchen but she follows me, I almost growl out

"Why don't you wanna talk about it"? She asks, I don't turn around

"Cora" I call warningly

"No tell me, I want to know, why don't you want to talk about it Dimitri" she presses and I lost it

I turn around and snap "The same reason you don't want to talk about your pregnancy with me" I almost yell out and I see her tense, I don't want to get angry but she's really pushing me

"Just go home Cora, and forget about this conversation" I mutter before turning around and going upstairs.

I can't talk about it with anyone, her especially because it hurts.
It still hurts.

I don't want to have a breakdown
It kind of defeats the whole heartless and vicious tittle I have going on

I walk into my room and sit down on the bed
I reach for my pocket and bring out my cigarette and lighter

This won't help me but at least it'll numb the pain I'm feeling.
I can't seem to hide my emotions these days, My dad always said I was a kid who wore his emotions on his face and he was right.

It took a lot for me to become heartless to a fault, to master the art of hiding my emotions behind the mask of being ruthless.
It took her death for me to realise that there's no place for feelings in the mafia world.

I place the stick in between my lips and flick the lighter, I watch the flames for a while before flicking it off again

Just letting the cigarette stay between my lips
My mind is jumbled and filled with thoughts.
Thoughts about Cora, about Vera, and about what she asked me

I never really knew why Fabio took her, till date.
I never got that closure.
My dad never told me of any beef he had with Fabio or the Italian mafia, infact at some point I think they were allies.

And when Vera died, my dad was still very much alive, and he never mentioned anything about a failed deal or partnership gone wrong.

So why did Fabio take her?
Ivan was in the car that day too but why only her?

I flicked the lighter again and was about taking it closer to the stick when a hand clapsed it closed and took it from me

I looked up to find Cora sitting next to me
"Smoking kills you, you know" she whispered

I didn't say anything, I just stared at her
We both just stayed like that, in a comfortable silence

"It feels weird" she blurted out, I looked at her but she wasn't looking at me, she was staring straight in front of her

"Being pregnant feels weird" she added with a light chuckle "not in a bad way, it's just weird knowing I'm carrying another life" she said

She's finally talking about it

"Some days I just wanna stay in bed all day, other days I feel like crying my eyes out and then sometimes I just feel this sort of protectiveness over me" she explains

She suddenly puts her hand on her stomach
"I feel him or her, I dunno" she laughs "sometimes I just feel it moving, it's not gonna take long before I show now"

"I'm not okay Dimitri, but everyday I try to be okay, I want to be okay, if not for anything, for the sake of my baby" she says finally looking at me, for the first time she's talking about her pregnancy but she's not crying.

She's trying to be strong, not for herself but for me.
She wants me to talk about Vera, but it's not that easy

____________________________________

"Why where you homeschooled"? I ask focusing on the road, I could feel her eyes on me from my peripheral

"I still needed education you know" she says matter of fact

"Yeah but why, why let you get homeschooled if they were gonna keep you hidden all your life"? I press and I see her think for a while

"I don't know, I guess they didn't want me to be completely useless" she says playing with her fingers "you know, I don't blame them for hiding me, sometimes I want to but I don't" she says looking at me

"Do you know why they hid you, I mean why they kept you hidden all your life"? I asked

She just shrugged

"I guess they were trying to protect me"

"From what"? I press and she just shrugged

"I don't know and I don't think I ever will because they're dead" she says looking out the window

There's a reason her parents hid her from the world all this while, and I don't think it's to protect her, if she doesn't know, I bet her sister does.

I just focus on the road.

Okay more questions to be asked in the coming chapters.

I'm keeping it short, I don't want the book to be too long.

So I'm gonna kind of rush it from now